IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays techonology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Technology
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct determiner usage
one of the
show examples
 most
tool
Correct word choice
important
show examples
 domains in our daily life recently, so of course there will be many advantages and disadvantages through using it
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
I believe that had
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 positive impact reflected in our speed improvements in
this
Linking Words
 age
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 negative effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our behaviours
neither
Correct word choice
, whether
show examples
 we
aware
Verb problem
are aware
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 it or not. In our deep nature inside humans behaviour, not all of us had moral commitments or principles towards society or other
people
Use synonyms
 around them,
while
Linking Words
 that necessarily to maintain the pace inside communities,
however
Linking Words
 there's no way to force
people
Use synonyms
 to be ethics conscious and good civil, so there is when it is effective way to use the
technology
Use synonyms
 to keep values that make
people
Use synonyms
 respect other's boundaries and make sure the justice continues and
people
Use synonyms
 accept each other,
for example
Linking Words
, there is real harm in social media platforms that drive peploe booking appointments in psychology's, by bullying on each other. Another positive point from
presences
Correct word order
present technology nowadays, saving people's
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technology
Use synonyms
 nowadays, saving
people
Use synonyms
 rights
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 any case,
while
Linking Words
 now we are doing everything through using any kind of
technology
Use synonyms
 in our daily activities,
for example
Linking Words
, we buy something from a person or website
there
Punctuation problem
, there
show examples
 will be content
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 any shape to make everything clear and controlled under any circumstances. In dark side, unfortunately pepole will tend
by
Change preposition
over
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 time to behave properly just
for avoiding
Wrong verb form
to avoid
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 punishment
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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 because
they're
Verb problem
they
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 believe in values that tell
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 be nice to each other and respect humanity, that make fake community no sincere inside them.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
many
Correct determiner usage
a lot of
show examples
 personal information
shared
Verb problem
is shared
show examples
 with a lot of websites and platforms
and
Correct word choice
, which is
show examples
 not safe in all cases and
distracting
Verb problem
lacks adequate
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 privacy protection, especially when there is children
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 these technologies and
they're didn't
Wrong verb form
they don't
show examples
 have
real
Correct article usage
a real
show examples
 awareness
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 what they're doing.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that
technology
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
has had
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enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
show examples
 positive imoact in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,depending on how we
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 it and
how
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 efforts we
give ourselves
Verb problem
make
show examples
 to
built
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
 high awareness to
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 what we have and be responsible for any consequences.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say early if the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Give one clear main idea in each body part, then explain it more.
task response
Use more direct examples that match monitoring, like cameras, phone tracking, or online data.
coherence and cohesion
Make your ideas easier to follow. Some sentences are very long and hard to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words, like First, Also, However, and As a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one topic in one paragraph. Do not mix many points in the same part.
task response
You give both good and bad sides of technology.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
You try to use examples to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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