IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Scientific developments in farming always bring major benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent years, it has been observed that advancements
are
Wrong verb form
have been
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 brought into farming by scientists.
Although
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 environmental advocates argue that experiments on plants should be banned, I strictly agree with the idea that science is necessary.
This
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 essay will examine the extent to which
this
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 statement is essential.
Additionally
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, it will consider other significant factors
such
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 as substantial
time
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 and costly fees. One main reason for
this
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 view is that scientific machinery aids farmers in saving a substantial amount of
time
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.
This
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 means that scientists have developed advanced methods,
such
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 as greenhouses and tractors, to cultivate plants faster.
In addition
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, customers do not need to wait for specific seasons for products to be available. A study published by New York University concluded that 90% of modern farming techniques have reduced the
time
Use synonyms
 required for harvest.
Therefore
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,
this
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 is an excellent way to meet people's needs efficiently. Another fundamental reason is that it
minimizes
Change the spelling
minimises
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 the expenses
on
Change preposition
for
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 workers.
This
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 means that one machine can do the work of numerous people, which helps the farm owners to save a vast amount of money.
In addition
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,
this
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 technology is very fast and does not make mistakes like humans.
Consequently
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, it helps to produce more food with lower costs, which is highly beneficial for the economy as it reduces costly production fees. In conclusion, I firmly believe that scientific advancements in farming are more beneficial than traditional methods, since they save substantial
time
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 and reduce costly expenditure.
Therefore
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, I highly recommend fostering these innovations to make them available in many countries and attract more experts to
this
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 vital field.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct in the first paragraph. Say clearly that you agree, and keep this same idea all through the essay.
task response
Answer the full question more closely. The topic is about benefits of science in farming, but your essay also talks about people who want to ban plant tests. This part is not needed.
task response
Give one or two more specific examples. Your ideas are good, but they need more real support.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body paragraph focused on one clear main idea, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some are repeated too much, like 'In addition'. Try simple variety such as 'Also', 'As a result', or 'For example'.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not fully clear, such as 'the extent to which this statement is essential'. Use simpler and more exact wording.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to follow: time saving and lower cost.
task response
You stay on the topic of farming and science in most of the essay.
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