IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, an increasing number of people are relying on private cars rather than public transport. Do the disadvantages of this trend outweigh the advantages?

There is no denying the fact that a tremendous number of individuals are relying on their own vehicles
instead
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 of public transit systems.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
this
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 approach has immense drawbacks, I firmly believe that the pros of relying on private cars far outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, the first primary benefit is schedule flexibility and not being restricted by the public schedule.
In other words
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, a person who wants to move to another location does not have to wait for the bus or the train.
Moreover
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, having one's private vehicle is much better
due to
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 the fact that it gives a person freedom to move faster and save their valuable time.
For example
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, if an individual wants to go to his workplace, he does not have to search for the bus schedule because he has his own
auto
Check wording
car
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.
On the other hand
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, the trend of relying on private vehicles does have several significant drawbacks
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as helping to reduce the
emit
Replace the word
emission
 of carbon dioxide and pollution, which are harmful to the environment and people. To illustrate, modern public transit systems rely less on gas and more on electric systems.
Furthermore
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, public transport might contribute to decreasing traffic on the roads and encourage the government to initiate improvements in
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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 public transit system.
For instance
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, Japan has the fastest train worldwide, known as the bullet train. In conclusion,
although
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 there are valid concerns regarding traffic or pollution, I strongly believe these are outweighed by the fact that private vehicles offer people many essential benefits,
such
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 as freedom, flexibility, and time saving

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task response
Make your main idea more clear from the start. Say why the good points are stronger than the bad points in a more direct way.
task response
Add one more clear bad point of private cars, like high cost or road accidents, and explain it well.
task response
Your examples are a bit general. Use examples that match your point more closely.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body paragraph focused on one main idea and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some parts connect well, but a few ideas feel too fast or not fully linked.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence meaning closely. One line says private vehicles help reduce pollution, but this idea is the opposite of what you want to say.
task response
You answer the question clearly and give your opinion from the start.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear essay shape with introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion repeats your main view in a clear way.
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