IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The arts, including art, music, and theatre are considered to be important in society.Do you think the arts still have a place amongst our modern lifestyles?Should the arts be included in the school curriculum?

The importance of
art
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,
music
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, and
theatre
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 important for the community. I think the arts should have a unique place in
people
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’s contemporary lifestyles
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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 ought to be
into
Change preposition
in
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 school programs. With regard to the first question,
art
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 should exist in a human's current
life
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 because it helps individuals to have a coherent
life
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 differently.
Contemporary
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In a contemporary
show examples
 lifestyle,
people
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addicted
Verb problem
are addicted
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 to their social media and
art
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especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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music
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 or
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theatre
Punctuation problem
theatre,
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 helps them to avoid addiction.
Individuals
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Individuals,
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 when visiting the
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theatre
Punctuation problem
theatre,
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 may understand the sense of
life
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 because in the
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theatre
Punctuation problem
theatre,
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 they have shows related to
people
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's lives that can change attitudes.
In addition
Linking Words
, when they play an instrument, sing, and listen to
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music
Punctuation problem
music,
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 they can listen to their inner voice and change their attitudes about
life
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. They might understand if not for the social
life
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 they would live differently. Turning to the second question,
art
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requires to
Verb problem
should
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 be in the school curriculum since it can open students'
talent
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talents
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. Rarely do
people
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realize
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realise
show examples
 that
art
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 should be in the schools because it has advantages for learners who can not afford additional lessons
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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with
Verb problem
have
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 powerful inner talents. The government needs to provide conditions for learners and open their curiosity for
art
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. It will have useful parts not only for learners but
also
Linking Words
 for society.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
organizations
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organisations
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 inspire students to learn
art
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 in the
future
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future,
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 maybe they will have well-known artists.
To conclude
Linking Words
 ,
art
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such
Linking Words
 as
music
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 and
theatre
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 crucial for society. Nowadays,
by
Change preposition
through
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art
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 are understanding a sense of
life
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, educational
centers
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centres
show examples
 ought to have an
art
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 section for students since it can help to open their desire and inner talent.

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task response
Answer both questions more fully. Your view is clear, but some ideas need more detail.
task response
Use more clear examples. For example, give one real school art subject and say how it helps students.
task response
Some ideas are too general. Explain how art helps people in modern life in a more direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. Link ideas in a simpler and more direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main point stronger with one clear reason and one clear example.
task response
You answered both parts of the question.
task response
Your opinion is clear from the start.
coherence and cohesion
You used paragraphing well with introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used linking words like 'With regard to', 'In addition', and 'To conclude'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aesthetics
  • Cultural heritage
  • Empathy
  • Creativity
  • Expression
  • Innovation
  • Intellectual stimulation
  • Empathy
  • Fine motor skills
  • Well-rounded education
  • Accessibility
  • Preservation
  • Screen-centered
  • Storytelling
  • Balance
  • Artistic mediums
What to do next:
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