IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that good planning is the key factor for success in life. Others think that there are more important factors that lead to success (e.g. hard work, luck). Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is a wide belief that the
ability
Use synonyms
 to make plans can be a huge contributor
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 success.
However
Linking Words
, there are other factors
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as hard work and luck, which override
this
Linking Words
ability
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 I believe that planning is key,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
for better performances
other
Punctuation problem
, other
show examples
 features are required. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 with exceptional skills
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 planning
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 taught to become
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 and reliable individuals.
People
Use synonyms
 with
this
Linking Words
inherit
Replace the word
inheritance
 are always ahead of their peers. Because,
while
Linking Words
 most of the
people
Use synonyms
 who lack
this
Linking Words
 interpersonal skill may struggle with task
accomplishing
Replace the word
accomplishment
 or getting stuck
between
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the process
to find
Change preposition
of finding
show examples
 the solution, somebody who has mastered
this
Linking Words
 skill can generate relatively faster results,
according to
Linking Words
 their clear roadmap.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will always be on top, regardless of the circumstances they face.
Therefore
Linking Words
, possessing
this
Linking Words
 inner
ability
Use synonyms
 will always give you that edge.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
pertinent
Correct article usage
a pertinent
show examples
 question arises. Is
this
Linking Words
 skill enough for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ultimate success?
Answer
Correct article usage
The answer
show examples
 is clearly not. Things like hard work, immersing yourself
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the process
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
 even
tiny
Correct article usage
a tiny
show examples
 bit of luck can provide instant and greater implications. It is extremely challenging to achieve something in
this
Linking Words
 life by
only relying
Correct word order
relying only
show examples
 on planning.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of only relying heavily on creating good plans, it is better to combine
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
 with other essential factors. In
this
Linking Words
 case, you can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 any dream which might have
seem
Wrong verb form
seemed
show examples
 impossible to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 at some point. In conclusion, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that good planning is the key factor for better
outcome
Check wording
outcomes
show examples
 in life. Others think that there are more vital factors that lead to success,
such
Linking Words
 as hard work
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 luck.
Although
Linking Words
 it is an advantage to own
this
Linking Words
ability
Use synonyms
, I believe being able to step out of
comfort
Correct determiner usage
one's comfort
show examples
 zone and pushing the boundaries by working hard is another plus. In order to achieve the maximum results, there should be a perfect balance.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about planning and hard work, but luck is not explained much.
task response
Give one clear example for each main idea. This will make your points stronger and easier to believe.
task response
Make your opinion more direct and keep it the same all through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are not used well. For example, do not put 'Because' after a full stop here. Join the ideas in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are hard to follow because of unclear sentences. Use shorter and simpler sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with a short real-life or common example.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is divided into clear paragraphs.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: