IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Environmental problems such as pollution and climate change have affected on people directly but we have few solutions for these global problems. Why we have few solutions for these issues? How can we solve this problem?

These days, environmental problems
such
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 as pollution are directly affecting humanity. Ecologists still couldn’t find a viable solution to mitigate the problem. The fundamental reason is that
people
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 do not pay enough attention to the environment. To tackle
this
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 issue, authorities should raise the awareness of residents in the country. In
this
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 contemporary world, problems related to the environment have become prevalent in most states.
This
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 is because
people
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 recklessly harm their nature by doing detrimental things that are influencing both humanity and earth. Trees are the key factor that balances nature.
In contrast
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, business owners are cutting down trees to build residential areas to get high revenues. Plus, the building process creates tons of dust
that is
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 breathed by communities nearby. Another key point is that
people
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 throw their trash directly into rivers or into the pathway, affecting not only residents but
also
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 animals and insects. It is impossible to retain the earth’s past status, but small actions can prevent it from getting worse. In
this
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 situation, the role of the government is especially important. Creating strict rules or even encouraging them to have a passion to keep their surroundings clean is a workable job. Organising special festivals can raise awareness toward keeping our planet safe.
Additionally
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, playing entertaining games can be favourable for both
people
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 and the planet.
For example
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, UNICEF organised a project called Young Climate Champions that had a favourable impact on the environment by raising awareness
of
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among
show examples
people
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 in Uzbekistan. Almost 60% of
people
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 found out that
this
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 project was useful. In conclusion, individuals can't completely alter climate change, but they can minimise the effects that influencing on
people
Use synonyms
's lives

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task response
Answer both questions more directly. Say clearly why there are few solutions, then say clearly how to solve this problem.
task response
Give one or two main reasons only, and explain each one more. Now you have many ideas, but some are not fully developed.
task response
Use examples that match your main idea more closely. The UNICEF example is helpful, but explain how it leads to real change.
coherence and cohesion
Make your paragraph focus clearer. One paragraph should be about reasons, and one paragraph should be about solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some ideas jump too fast from trees to dust to trash. Add simple links like 'first', 'also', 'because', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Check the last sentence. It feels unfinished and this weakens the ending.
task response
You answer the topic and stay on it through the essay.
task response
You include an example to support your point.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow in general order.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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