IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent days, a number of
people
Use synonyms
 in various
contries
Use the right word
countries
show examples
 are suffering from increasing
stress
Use synonyms
. I think
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is because
people
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 have more
roles
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 than they used to
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is changing very rapidly. I believe
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adequate government policies and more warm enviornment can resolve
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 problems. One main reason is that
people
Use synonyms
 are having more
stress
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 is an individual have more
roles
Use synonyms
 than in the past.
For example
Linking Words
, a
women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
show examples
 used to have no more than two social
roles
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like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 mom or wife.
Linking Words
However
Punctuation problem
However,
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 nowadays, many women work, so they have another role in their work and sometimes those
roles
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 in their
works
Check wording
work
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 are
also
Linking Words
 multiple.
Linking Words
Also
Punctuation problem
Also,
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due to
Linking Words
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of technologies, many workers are required to do
multitasks
Correct your spelling
multiple tasks
 in
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
 time. Another reason is that the technology development accelerates
fast
Correct article usage
the fast
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change
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 of society. When
people
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 are used to a new kind of technology, usually more
development
Correct word choice
advanced
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 technology is shown
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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people
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 need to
be adopt
Wrong verb form
adapt
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 again.
For example
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, a fast
change
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 in
smartphone
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smartphones
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 or using various kinds of apps is not easy for many
people
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 to adapt quickly. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, I think the
gobernment
Correct your spelling
government
 should build some policies to help
people
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, providing
public
Correct article usage
a public
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 mental health care system can be helpful.
Also
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,
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 kind environment for new technologies can assist
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 having
stress
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 with innovations.
For example
Linking Words
, stores can have a clerk for customers having
difiiculties
Correct your spelling
difficulties
 with ordering by kiosks.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 the
authorites
Correct your spelling
authorities
 can offer a public education
for ChatGPT
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on the
show examples
 use
.
Change preposition
of ChatGPT.
show examples
 In conclusion,
people
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 are suffering a lot more
stress
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,
due to
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 more
roles
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 they have and
rapid
Correct article usage
the rapid
show examples
change
Use synonyms
 of the societies. I think the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 policies and
environmnetal
Correct your spelling
environmental
change
Use synonyms
 can be helpful.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You say why stress is going up and how to fix it, but some ideas are short.
task response
Add one more clear idea or detail for each main point. This will make your answer feel more complete.
task response
Use examples with a bit more detail. Your examples are good, but they can be more clear and more real.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with simple words like first, also, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check pronouns and noun forms so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
task response
You answer both parts of the task: causes and measures.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: more roles and fast social change.
task response
You give examples about women at work, phones, kiosks, and public help.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs well to separate ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Words like however, also, for example, and in conclusion help connect ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance
  • Burnout
  • Digital detox
  • Mindfulness
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy
  • Financial stability
  • Public awareness campaigns
  • Resilience training
  • Support networks
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