IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the past people used to wear their traditional clothes depending on their culture. Nowadays the trend is changing, and people wear similar clothes. Is it a positive or negative development?

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In the contemporary era, individuals have started to wear the same kind of clothing,
whereas
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 they used to wear traditional
clothes
Use synonyms
according to
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 their culture in the past.
This
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 essay will
analyze the
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analyse
show examples
 both
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
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 and cons.
To begin
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 with, comfort and affordability are the main benefits of wearing similar
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of
clothes
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.
For example
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, T-shirts and trousers are easy to wear and relatively less expensive. They can wear them in formal and informal places,
while
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 traditional
clothes
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 are
inappopriate
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
 to wear in some workplaces, especially Punjabi traditional suits. Their materials may not be suitable for all
kind
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kinds
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 of weather, so they have to buy
clothes
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according to
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 seasonal changes, which can place a financial burden on them.
However
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, homogenization of clothing styles can tend to a loss in culture and tradition, which is
main
Correct article usage
the main
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 drawback of the trend. Traditional attire usually carries cultural identity and uniqueness. If people lose
their
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apply
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interest in wearing them,
this
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 can result in a loss of heritage and authenticity.
This
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 is
particular
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particularly
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 vulnerable to small and dominant cultures whose traditions may become
marginalized
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marginalised
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.
Additionally
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, the inclination towards wearing
same
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the same
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 types of attire can contribute to consumerism and fast fashion. Companies may have to produce more
clothes
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 because people are more likely to discard them at an alarming rate
for keeping
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to keep
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 up with the latest fashion. To
fulfill
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fulfil
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 the demand, companies have started to produce more, leading to
deterioration
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the deterioration
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the
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of the
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 environment and
exploitation
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the exploitation
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the labor
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of labour
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 in the
fahion
Correct your spelling
fashion
 industry.
To conclude
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, erosion in cultural identity and uniqueness align with an increase in
the
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apply
show examples
consumerism
are
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, which are
show examples
 the chief disadvantages of wearing the same kinds of attire. The modern
clothes
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 are often comfortable and inexpensive, which is the major advantage of
this
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 trend.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in the introduction. Say if this change is positive or negative from the start.
task response
Give a stronger reason for your opinion and keep it the main focus in all body parts.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your ideas. Your example about T-shirts is helpful, but the culture point needs a more real example.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas more smoothly with simple linking words like first, however, also, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph balance. The second side has more development than the first side.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and stay on the subject.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas follow in a logical order, so the essay is easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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