Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together, while others think that people and communities are becoming more isolated. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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It’s definitely not wrong to say that the
internet
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has quite a lot of social effects on
people
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. Some may argue that social
media
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has developed
people
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’s
relationships
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and brought them closer,
while
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it is
also
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often argued that the isolation of modern societies is the result of the
internet
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. In
this
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essay, I will examine both views and explain why I believe that the
the
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internet
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caused
people
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to isolate themselves more than it helped them to bond with the other community. Many
people
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claim that humanity's discovery of the
internet
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, and with that social
media
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, is an opportunity to communicate across different cultures.
For instance
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, before
people
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had
no
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access to the
internet
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and when no one had cell phones, it was not possible for
people
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with different nationalities to share their daily lives with each other.
However
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, with the help of the
internet
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, especially social platforms
such
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as Instagram or Snapchat, one can watch someone from another continent’s “story” or “snap,” witnessing what they eat for breakfast or what
do
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they do with their friends when they hang out after work. Learning about different cultures and daily habits may make
people
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more open-minded about having a relationship with
people
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who are different from them, allowing them to get closer.
Also
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, with just one click on their phone, they can call or text each other, talk with each other daily, which allows them to create stronger bonds and prevents them from getting away from each other. That said, social
media
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and the
internet
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may cause
people
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to get detached from “real-life” and “real social
relationships
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,” despite
its
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their
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benefits to “online
relationships
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.” I am, as a teenager, witnessing that a lot of my friends are addicted to their phones and activities
such
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as doom scrolling on TikTok or stalking influencers for hours.
Moreover
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,
this
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addiction is so strong that it can isolate them even in public and not just when they are home. In my school, it’s very common to see students who are stuck on their
phone
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phones
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instead
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of chatting with their peers , which is evidence that
internet
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usage habits prevent teenagers from socialising with their friends , which can isolate them in social life.
Furthermore
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, the
internet
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causes
people
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to compare themselves with other
people
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on social
media
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, increasing their insecurities
,
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and causing them to be less confident
while
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socialising or meeting new
people
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.
This
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issue can cause them to isolate themselves from social environments, causing them to have unhealthy
relationships
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with
people
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around them.
To sum up
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, I argue that the
internet
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caused
people
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, especially teenagers, to isolate more than it helped them get closer to other
people
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. Even though both sides have quite credible evidence supporting their suggestion, the real-life evidence I have witnessed in my daily life causes me to argue that the
internet
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may harm social
relationships
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.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in the intro with a short direct line.
task response
Give one more clear example for the first side, not only general ideas.
coherence cohesion
Some ideas are good, but a few are too long. Split long lines into shorter points.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way so each step feels smooth.
coherence cohesion
In some places, repeat is a bit strong. Try to say the same idea in a new way.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view clearly.
task response
Your examples about teens and phones are clear and on topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear intro, body, and end.
coherence cohesion
Most paragraphs stay on one main idea.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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