IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

People living in large cities today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays the most
people
Use synonyms
 prefer city life
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 staying in
rural
Correct article usage
a rural
show examples
 area. Because
Cities
Use synonyms
 have relatively comfortable environments for transport
system
Check wording
systems
show examples
, leisure activities, hanging out with
people
Use synonyms
, etc.
However
Linking Words
, even
it
Correct word choice
though it
show examples
 has tons of strong figures
though
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 are facing many problems at the same time.
For example
Linking Words
, the population density of large
cities
Use synonyms
 is so high that
people
Use synonyms
 is easy to get trapped in the way to their workspace
specially
Rephrase
, especially
show examples
 in the morning and late afternoon
getting
Punctuation problem
, getting
show examples
 back
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
home. In Seoul, huge traffic jam happens almost every morning. Another problem caused by the
hight
Correct your spelling
high
 population is social distance.
People
Use synonyms
 usually
put into the situation
Verb problem
find themselves in situations
show examples
 that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 too many networks with others, in which
people
Use synonyms
 may get stressed. I guess, if we are in over-closed with others so that we can watch
other's
Check wording
others'
show examples
 lives too much, we could make comparisons with them.
Specially
Use the right word
Especially
show examples
 in South Korea,
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 kinds of vibes are spread
in
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apply
show examples
generally
in
Change preposition
throughout the
show examples
 whole society in Seoul. That's why the government is trying to
courage
Replace the word
encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to move to smaller regional towns lately. But for that, the government should make the environments of the smaller
cities
Use synonyms
 similar with the one of big
cities
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. So that
people
Use synonyms
 could make their choice easier to move there.
For instance
Linking Words
, the government could put their effort
to encourage
Change preposition
into encouraging
show examples
 big enterprises to move to smaller
cities
Use synonyms
. And they could install sports
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 or other activity spaces for
people
Use synonyms
's leisure.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk about city problems and moving to small towns, but your view on the second part needs to be more clear and stronger.
task response
Add one clear main idea in each body paragraph, then explain it well. Some ideas are short, so the essay feels a bit thin.
task response
Use more direct examples. The Seoul traffic example is good, but the second problem needs a more clear real example.
coherence and cohesion
Make your opinion easy to see in the introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences feel sudden. Use simple links like First, Also, As a result, and In my view.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one topic in one paragraph. This will make your essay more clear and easier to read.
task response
You answer the main topic and talk about real problems in big cities.
task response
You give a real example about traffic in Seoul, which supports your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs and a basic order from problem to solution.
coherence and cohesion
The use of 'For example' and 'For instance' helps connect some ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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