Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

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Thanks to advanced technology, online shopping
becomes
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has become
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easier and
accessible
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more accessible
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for everyone. In
this
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essay, I will discuss the huge advantages of making purchases online
as well as
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the minor drawbacks we need to be mindful of to avoid
harmful
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the harmful
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effects of
cyber security
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cybersecurity
. If I have to choose a significant advantage of online shopping, it would be convenience. The fact that there are many brands and stores
have
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that have
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been changing their way of operating, having their own websites or selling products on e-commerce platforms.
This
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allows customers to buy necessary products from home, making purchases after a few minutes with flexible payment methods, and saving time doing other things
while
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waiting for the order delivery to the door. Another benefit that I really enjoy of shopping online
,
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apply
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is the cross-platform promotions and discounts between the selling channels and payment tools.
For example
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, Kingfood, the grocery store near my house, has exclusive deals for online orders paid by VNPay, an emerging fintech application in Vietnam, which sometimes helped me save up to one hundred thousands Vietnam dong. Despite the obvious advantages, buying things on the internet may
also
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cause problems to consumers, especially to the extent of cybersecurity. Nowadays, it is not difficult to find
the
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apply
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news about hackers attacking financial systems and stealing money from personal accounts. By giving our personal information
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such
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, such
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as contact points and payment details, we may
also
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face the same problems, and
therefore
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, it is essentially important to remember that we should never save
such
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sensitive information on any websites
and
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or
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platforms. In conclusion, it cannot be denied that online shopping is an emerging trend and convenient for us to
many extents
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a great extent
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.
However
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, to protect ourselves from the harmful drawbacks of fraud, we should be more cautious when purchasing things on the internet and keep
the
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our
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personal information confidential where possible.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in the introduction. Say directly that the advantages are stronger than the disadvantages.
task response
Add one more short idea about a disadvantage, such as bad product quality or late delivery, to make your answer more full.
task response
Explain why the good points are bigger than the bad points in one clear sentence in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences are hard to follow. Break them into two shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some parts can be smoother with simple links like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and make the topic sentence very clear.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear final opinion.
task response
Your example about the grocery store and payment app is specific and helpful.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas usually move in a logical order from good points to bad points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • time-saving
  • wide selection
  • competitive prices
  • discounts
  • accessibility
  • global marketplace
  • availability
  • fraud
  • scams
  • lack of
  • physical interaction
  • personal experience
  • impersonal
  • customer service
  • delays
  • delivery
  • return process
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