IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel that the design of newly constructed buildings in big cities should be controlled by government. others believe those who financed the of a building should be free to design it as they fit. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In the modern era, the
decoration
Use synonyms
 of the
buildings
Use synonyms
 has
becoming an
Wrong verb form
become a
show examples
 going
dabate
Correct your spelling
debate
. A group of individuals believes that the authorities should control
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the design of
buildings
Use synonyms
 in
magacities
Correct your spelling
megacities
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the other group thinks that people who fund the
buildings
Use synonyms
 should decide the design of
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
. From my perspective, I agree with the first side and in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 upcoming lines I will dicuss the both views.
To begin
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 with, the state dominates
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the public infrastructure and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the important decisions.
Moreover
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, they should be responsible
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
decoration
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, all the
buildings
Use synonyms
 in the large cities must follow the same design that can enhance the beauty of the country and attract a lot of tourists. Another benefit, individuals will trust
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
authorites
Correct your spelling
authorities
, which can be helpful to
devolop
Correct your spelling
develop
 the relationship between the citizens and the government.
In other words
Linking Words
, when the citizens see the beauty of the
decoration
Use synonyms
 in the
cities
Punctuation problem
cities,
show examples
 that made them faithful.
On the other hand
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,
individulas
Correct your spelling
individuals
 who fund the
constructure
Replace the word
construction
 of the magacities should take
have the responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
 for it. The key reason, the
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
financial ability to support any kind of decorating
even
Punctuation problem
, even
show examples
 the more expensive
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
.
For instance
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, some
constructure
Fix the agreement mistake
constructions
show examples
 need costly materials and a
numerous
Correct word choice
large
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 number of workers
all
Punctuation problem
, all
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that
Change preposition
of which
show examples
 require a lot of money.
In addition
Linking Words
, verious of
decoration
Use synonyms
 is necessity to show the beauty of streets or any place
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
will be avilable with
Correct word order
it will be available to
show examples
 the people who fund the
buildings
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
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, all the sides have their convincing
arguements
Correct your spelling
arguments
. The first has public influence and the
scond
Correct your spelling
second
 has the
verious
Replace the word
variety
 of the
differents
Replace the word
different
 types. From my own
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
 I think the government should choose the designs of the
buildings
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You did this, but each side needs a bit more detail.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from start to end. Your view is there, but some lines are hard to follow.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and real. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Put your ideas in a more logical order. Some sentences do not link well.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main point support the topic sentence clearly. Some points are not fully explained.
task response
You answered both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to use examples to support your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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