IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children, which encourages them to buy goodssuchas toys and snacks. Many parents areworried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children, while some advertisers claim that they provideuseful information to children. Discuss both views andgiveyour opinion

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In the modern world,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 are
recieving
Correct your spelling
receiving
 more and more information
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
adversiting
Correct your spelling
advertising
 related to
diferents
Correct your spelling
different
 game
products
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 and food. The messages focusing encourages to buy them
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 the
parents
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 are
worry
Wrong verb form
worried
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 about that
, at
Punctuation problem
. At
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 the same time
the
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, the
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 advertisers argue
they
Correct word choice
that they
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 are giving time for the
children
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
consumption
Replace the word
to consume
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss both views
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I will give my opinion. On one hand, the advertising involved to the childrens in effective ways because their brain is developing
yet
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,
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 so
its
Use the right word
it's
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 fair if
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents
Use synonyms
 are worried about advertising effects. A study from Cambridge University
analize
Wrong verb form
analysed
show examples
 300
children
Use synonyms
 related to the
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
consumption
Use synonyms
 and advertising
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they discovered 95%
children
Use synonyms
 asked their
parents
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the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 according
with
Change preposition
to
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 the advertising.
Its
Correct pronoun usage
It
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 means they are vulnerable when the exposition is increasing.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 really truly the
children
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 need information
for
Change preposition
to
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 select their
products
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 when they are
consumpting
Correct your spelling
consuming
, so in
this
Linking Words
sense
Add a comma
sense,
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 another research about the adversiting focusing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
Use synonyms
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
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 that 95% of the advertising gave real information and it permit they take best
decitions
Correct your spelling
decisions
.
This
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 was directly related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the right
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 consumers
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
children
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as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 part of
consumption
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 education. In my opinion,
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 very convenient that the
children
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 can know about
products
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 like snacks and toys because they will
grown
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
 in better ways related to their
consumers
Check wording
consumer
show examples
 rights. In conclusion, the advertising
fosing
Correct your spelling
focusing on
children
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 is a complex issue
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the way
from the
Change preposition
of
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 advertising will be very important, so
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 better
uf
Correct your spelling
if
 the
children
Use synonyms
 learn about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumption
Use synonyms
 early
becasuse
Correct your spelling
because
 they became in good consumers.
In addition
Linking Words
,
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 very hard if the
parents
Use synonyms
 think they will observe all the time
to their
Correct word order
what their children
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children
Use synonyms
 related what kind of advertinsing they are seeing, In fact, we are living in a
comsumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
 world.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly and add a stronger own view.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea easy to see with one clear topic sentence.
task response
Explain your examples more, so they really support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and so.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in one sentence. Some sentences are hard to follow.
task response
You discuss both views and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You use examples from studies to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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