IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows participation in certain leisure activities by children in Australia. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The bar chart illustrates attendance at certain activities by
boys
Use synonyms
 and girls btween age 5 and 14 years old in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the
number
Use synonyms
 of
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
 in watching TV/videos is the highest, the gap was not significant with electronic/computer games. The
figurs
Correct your spelling
figures
 of
attendaning
Correct your spelling
attending
 in
sketeboarding\rollerblading
Correct your spelling
skateboarding/rollerblading
 recorded the lowest pattern. The most
activity
Correct word choice
active activity
show examples
 that both
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 like to do in their free
time
Use synonyms
 is watching
tv
Fix capitalization
TV
show examples
/videos
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it recorded the same rate at 100%. Compared with electronic/computer
games
Punctuation problem
games,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
boys
Use synonyms
 increased
at
Change preposition
by
show examples
 around 80%, and it decreased
at
Change preposition
by
show examples
 around 60%.
However
Linking Words
, the participants in bike riding with
boys
Use synonyms
 expericence slight fall at 70%,
while
Linking Words
with
Correct pronoun usage
those with
show examples
 girls recorded
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar
number
Use synonyms
 at around 60%. The girls in their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 like
attended
Wrong verb form
attending
show examples
 Arts and crafts it recorded at 60%, respectively, and the
number
Use synonyms
 of
boys
Use synonyms
 who like spending
time
Use synonyms
 in Arts and crafts showed the lowere
number
Use synonyms
. The
sketeboarding\rollerblading
Correct your spelling
skateboarding/rollerblading
boys
Use synonyms
 stood at 40% , and
grils
Correct your spelling
girls
 recorded at 30%
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 considerded the lowest activity
male
Correct pronoun usage
that male
show examples
 and female kids like to spend
time
Use synonyms
 in.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, number, time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: