IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Children's education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

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Most people spend a lot of money on
education
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, as they think that higher
education
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 will widen their opportunities in both finance and society. In some countries, the
government
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 supports some or all of the educational fees, and I personally think that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The advantages of the
government
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 supporting the costs of
education
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, first of all, it reduces household expenses. In families with more than one child, schooling can cost one-quarter of their expenses compared to their incomes.
For example
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, in Thailand, it is not only the tuition fee that the parents need to pay, but
also
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 the uniforms and stationery. So, with the support from authorities, the people can have some spare money, which can be spent on their nutrition and accommodation.
Moreover
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,
this
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 can
also
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 enhance
an
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apply
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equality in
education
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 for everyone. It should be one of the fundamental bases provided by the
government
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, which means no matter how rich or poor their families are, they totally have a right to get a primary schooling with similar programs conducted in their schools.
However
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, there is a disadvantage to
this
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, which is that the populace might need to pay higher taxes because it is counted as one of the
government
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's incomes.
Then
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, for them to be able to support, implement or proceed with any policies and welfare, they need a large amount of money.
For instance
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, in Australia, the authorities support households in many ways
;
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:
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 schooling, aged care, and Medicare.
For
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this
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 reason, their people pay 30%-50% tax on their income. In conclusion, in my opinion, schooling should be supported by the
government
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due to
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 the benefits of household expense reduction and equality in
education
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.
However
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, there is still the disadvantage, which is a tax increase.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. Say clearly why the good side is stronger than the bad side in each body part.
task response
Develop your ideas more. Some points are good, but they need one more line of explanation.
task response
Use examples in a more exact way. Some examples are helpful, but they can be more clear and more closely linked to your point.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences shorter and clearer. A few lines are hard to follow because the grammar is weak.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Words like 'first of all', 'moreover', and 'however' are good, but sometimes the sentence after them is not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph opening lines. Make sure each one shows the main idea very clearly.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to understand most of the time.
task response
You use real country examples, which helps support your points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic disparities
  • government funding
  • educational institutions
  • enhanced quality of education
  • educated workforce
  • boosting the economy
  • dependency
  • bureaucracy
  • innovation
  • flexibility
  • parental involvement
  • financially responsible
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