All parents want the best opportunities for their children.There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a children's future. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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As much as all parents want the best chances for their
offsprings
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offspring
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, there are some individuals who think that learning institutions should teach children
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skills
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skills,
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while
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others view having a variety of subjects is better for the kids' future. I agree with both ideas and think schools should
intergrate
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integrate
the ideas. It is important for youngsters to learn
skills
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since it comes with various advantages later on in life, including
problem solving
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problem-solving
skills
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,
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this
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which
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will enable them to overcome challenges they might encounter in their daily life. Critical thinking is
also
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an important skillset which helps in analysis and
decision making
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decision-making
.
Additionally
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, financial
skills
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come in handy in
long term
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long-term
management of money,
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this
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which
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can be done by letting them have pocket money.
Lastly
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, social and networking
skills
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allow kids to connect effectively.
Overall
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, ability builds on creativity, adaptability and
natures
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nature's
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talent.
On the other hand
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, a wide range of subjects is equally useful for better oppportunities and these are some of the reasons;
firstly
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, it allows
offsprings
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offspring
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to explore different topics, allowing them to discover their passions,
for example
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, teaching humanities
languages
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, languages
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and sciences.
Secondly
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,
It
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it
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does not restrict them to a specific discipline
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thus
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, thus
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giving them time to grow and be confident in their
carrier
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career
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paths. In a nutshell,
variety
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a variety
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of topics
leave
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leaves
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doors to various outcomes open. In conclusion, training
children
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children's
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skills
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such
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as problem solving, critical thinking, financial
skills
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and
socializing
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socialising
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and networking would offer greater prospects just as having broader disciplines like humanities, sciences and languages. Schools should incorporate the two ideas
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thus
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, thus
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ensuring quality tutoring of their learners towards a brighter future.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about both views, but the first side needs clearer support.
task response
Give a clear opinion from start to end. 'I agree with both ideas' is not fully clear. Say that schools should teach skills and also offer many subjects.
task response
Use one or two real examples. This will make your ideas stronger and more exact.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences clearer. Start each body paragraph with the main idea in a direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences are long and feel like a list. Use simple links and break long lines into shorter ones.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with a short explanation. Some points are named, but not fully developed.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow in most parts.
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