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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in 4 Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040

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The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in 4 Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040
The graph below
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 data about the proportion in four Asian countries:
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia
living
Punctuation problem
, living
show examples
 in cities between 1970 and 2020,
in addition
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 estimations for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
ratio
Use synonyms
 of the population living in cities
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 that the year 2040 was at the highest,
whereas
Linking Words
 the lowest rate was in 1970.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
ratio
Use synonyms
30
Change preposition
of 30
show examples
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 population had a little fluctuation between 1970 and 2040. Looking at the details, the highest proportion was in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 at nearly 90
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the lowest
ratio
Use synonyms
 was in Thailand at nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half. In
additon
Correct your spelling
addition
 to that, the percentage of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 population in Indonesia was 60
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the
ratio
Use synonyms
 in Philippiness was more than 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Looking at more details, we can see that the
ratio
Use synonyms
 of Malaysia had a very
hight
Correct your spelling
high
 fluctuation,
while
Linking Words
 the rate of
philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less fluctuation.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words ratio, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • population density
  • rural-urban migration
  • economic development
  • industrialization
  • infrastructure strain
  • environmental impacts
  • social challenges
  • urban planning
  • government policies
  • housing policies
  • public services
  • trend analysis
  • prediction
  • initiatives
  • urban growth management
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