Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Some people have started to forget the meaning and importance of religious festivals.
While
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,
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I agree with
this
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opinion more, because religious events are significant for society, I do not agree that people have forgotten the main meaning of festivals. On the one hand, the government implements holidays for religious and traditional views, because many individuals have busy lives, even children and
old community
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the elderly
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. As usual, it
cannot be
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is
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time to pray and relax. These faiths are special for
population
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the population
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with busy lives so that they can relax and enjoy the holidays. During the holiday time, families adorn their houses, hold the ceremonies, and celebrate particular days ,
for example
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, Ramadan, Easter, Christmas, and Halloween.
On the other hand
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, many humans have come to perceive religious occasions as a way to relax and have fun,
for example
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, fasting during Ramadan as entertainment,
although
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, the fasting is needed to cleanse the body and mind.
Also
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, it can be said about Christmas, the population
look
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forward to
this
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festival to relax,
although
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,
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the Chrismas nessasary for help the poor individuals. In conclusion, if people do not treat religious events only as relaxation, traditional occasions are very important in life.

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task response
Make your view very clear from the start. Now your first line says you agree and do not agree, so the reader is not sure.
task response
Answer all parts of the question in a direct way. Say how much you agree, and keep the same view in the whole essay.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Some points are short, so the reader wants more detail.
task response
Use examples in a clearer way. Your examples are good, but you should show how each one supports your view.
coherence and cohesion
Put ideas in a more logical order. Some sentences do not connect well with the main point of the paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'because'. Do not use too many commas.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one clear main idea. Now some lines mix two ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow. A few parts are hard to follow because the wording is not clear.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to discuss both sides of the idea.
task response
You use some real festival examples, like Ramadan and Christmas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay stays on the topic of festivals.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
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