IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays parents are moving to other countries for work leaving their kids home. Some people say that this decision is unwise while others believe it's rational. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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In many countries,
parents
Use synonyms
 are moving abroad and leaving
kids
Correct determiner usage
their kids
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home
Change preposition
at home
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. The
decision
Use synonyms
 is seen by some people as unwise
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 others believe it is a rational choice. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is definitely an unwise
decision
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 because the time spent apart from them will never be brought back. It is necessary, though, to highlight
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that
this
Linking Words
 is a very common situation faced
for
Change preposition
by
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 many families in poor or developed countries, where the conditions to raise a kid are usually poor. In
this
Linking Words
 sense, many
parents
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 see in developed countries an opportunity to improve their incomes and offer a better financial status to their family, and as
consequence
Correct article usage
a consequence
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, a better quality of life. Many of them, though, don't know what they are going to face in a completely different country and decide to go alone. They launch themselves in a new and unknown adventure that can be,
iniatialy
Correct your spelling
initially
, very challenging and difficult. For that reason,
parents
Use synonyms
 prefer to leave the kids in the home country and protect them from all the difficulties of immigrating.
Although
Linking Words
 the
decision
Use synonyms
of leaving
Wrong verb form
to leave
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 kids behind has the purpose of building a better future for them, it carries risks and a very high price.
That is
Linking Words
 because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 passing on the
responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of raising a kid can create not only a physical, but
also
Linking Words
 an emotional distance from them. Being away,
literally
Punctuation problem
literally,
show examples
 means losing birthdays, school events and all the special moments of childhood, undoubtedly, one of the most important phases of life. In conclusion, I believe that the money that
parents
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 earn
while
Linking Words
 they are away from home will never bring back the time and moments. Money does not buy presence
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 that's why I think
this
Linking Words
 is an unwise
decision
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You give strong reasons for why it is unwise, but the other side is only partly explained.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger and easier to trust.
task response
Explain your ideas a bit more deeply. Some points are clear, but a few need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this simple shape in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some are good, but a few sentences feel broken or too short.
coherence and cohesion
Group similar ideas in one paragraph. This will help the essay flow in a more natural way.
task response
You clearly state your opinion in the introduction and again in the conclusion.
task response
Your main message is easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a logical order from introduction to conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs have one main idea, which helps the reader follow your thinking.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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