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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countrie

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The chart shows
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of the population aged 65 and over from
Japan
Use synonyms
,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 between 1940 and 2040, over an one hundred-year period.
Overall
Linking Words
, the three countries are
keep
Verb problem
apply
show examples
consistently
increase trend
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 throughout the period.
Japan
Use synonyms
 will have
notable
Correct article usage
a notable
show examples
 and continuous increase
about in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 2030
year
Check wording
apply
show examples
, which
it will
Correct word order
will see it
show examples
 overtake
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 2040
year
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 will become third in 2040. In 1940, the
recorded
Check wording
USA recorded
show examples
 the highest figure at around 9% of
USA
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct word order
Sweden was second at
show examples
secondly
Linking Words
 is
Sweden
Use synonyms
 about at 8%,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
 approximately at 5% at the
last
Linking Words
 one.And
then
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
 declined from 1940 to 1960, which
then
Linking Words
 remained relatively stable at 3% between 1960 and 1980.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 were steady rise which the date respectively are were 14% and 15% in 1980. Between 2000 and 2020,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 shows
arise
Check wording
an increase
show examples
 before
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
,
that
Correct word choice
while the
show examples
USA
Use synonyms
 keep basic stable at around 14%.But
Japan
Use synonyms
 rose gradually from 2000 to 2020.Approximately in 2030
year
Check wording
apply
show examples
,
will
Correct pronoun usage
it will
show examples
 consistently overtake
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
.
Japan
Use synonyms
 will reach a peak of about 27%,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Sweden
Use synonyms
 will is 26% that
USA
Use synonyms
 will is 23% in 2040

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "by contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, sweden, usa with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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