IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others,however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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A few
people
Use synonyms
 say that in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 improving
world
Use synonyms
becoming
Punctuation problem
, becoming
show examples
 old is
fully not
Correct word order
not fully
show examples
 good. Others poimt is that the life for
the olderly
Correct word order
older people in the
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 current days is better than
previous
Change preposition
in the past
show examples
.
many
Fix capitalization
Many
show examples
 old humans are getting depressed from living in the developing
world
Use synonyms
.
The one
Correct determiner usage
One
show examples
 of the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
many
people
Use synonyms
 are getting modern. Thats why it is diffuclt for living here. Many scientists
also
Linking Words
 say
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that. Nowadays we can read it from the internet
sides
Use the right word
sites
show examples
,
for instance
Linking Words
 lot of social media apps like
imstagram
Correct your spelling
Instagram
 or the telegram. Because of that problem
old
Punctuation problem
, old
show examples
 men are moving to
their
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 countryside. Villages are
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 tackle for them. It has lots of comforts
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 in there they can feed their domestic animals like
shep
Correct your spelling
sheep
, cows, horses and another like that animals. In there
Correct word order
, they can also
show examples
also
Linking Words
 they can relax
from
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 fresh air. In generally it is a little bit difficult to live in the city. As for the second
piont
Correct your spelling
point
, many
some
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 think living in the
world
Use synonyms
 is more comfortable
rather
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past.
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 many old
people
Use synonyms
 live with their sons. They can know lots of information from them.
Then
Linking Words
 it
woul
Correct your spelling
would
 be easier to live. They take
up
Check wording
the time
show examples
 to learn about what is happening in the
world
Use synonyms
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
show examples
 in the
past
Add a comma
past,
show examples
 everyone
knows
Wrong verb form
knew
show examples
 that in the past it was so hard living for older
people
Use synonyms
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, many
convinients
Correct your spelling
conveniences
,
for instance
Linking Words
 transports. Buses and subways are good ones for going
far
Change preposition
to far
show examples
 destinations. In the previous centry in was hard. Since
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the war.
As a result
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
,
show examples
 lots of
people
Use synonyms
 were killed and punished. Even older
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 went to the war for fighting with enemies.
Fortunatly
Correct your spelling
Fortunately
, now our country is
peace
Change preposition
at peace
show examples
. There is no fair for older
people
Use synonyms
 to live. In conclusion, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that it is not good for old
peple
Correct your spelling
people
 to live in our modern
world
Use synonyms
. but anothers guess that it is good for old men living in the
world
Use synonyms
 than in the past.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Write one clear idea for the first side, one clear idea for the second side, and then give your own view.
task response
Your opinion is not clear enough. In the end, say directly which side you agree with and why.
task response
Use examples that are more real and more exact. Some examples now are too general.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea only. This will help the reader follow your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple but correct way, like First, Also, However, For example, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check how ideas connect. Some sentences stop suddenly or move to a new point too fast.
task response
You discussed both views, so you followed the main task.
coherence and cohesion
You used separate paragraphs for your main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
There is a conclusion at the end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • elderly
  • modern world
  • decline
  • physical
  • mental health
  • diseases
  • disabilities
  • social isolation
  • loneliness
  • access
  • healthcare
  • medications
  • lifelong learning
  • personal growth
  • social support
  • community engagement
  • positive aspects
  • negative aspects
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