IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays there is an increase in people with an unhealthy diet and not doing ​ enough physical exercises. ​ What do you think might be the reason? What can be done to encourage people to ​have a healthier lifestyle?

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Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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 there is a boost in people with an unhealthy diet and
laziness physically
Correct word order
physical laziness
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 because of the luxury lifestyle we have and machines
availablity
Check wording
apply
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for everything
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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widespread
Correct article usage
the widespread
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of
Check wording
availability of
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 restaurants
provide
Correct pronoun usage
that provide
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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fast food and sugary snacks. As
health
Correct article usage
a health
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 care workers i have to encourage people to play any sports they like or to walk at least 20 minutes a day
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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eating
Wrong verb form
eat
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 healthy foods all
week days
Correct your spelling
weekdays
 except one day the can keep it for the fast food options.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully: why this happens and what people can do.
task response
Add one clear example to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like because, so, also, and however.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence complete and easy to follow.
task response
You give real reasons like machines, fast food, and sugar.
task response
You give some ways to help people live in a healthy way.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a basic order and easy to understand.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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