IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Younger
Correct article usage
The younger
show examples
 generation feels
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
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 amount of pressure to become successful in academics. A few individual thinks that their academic
work load
Correct your spelling
workload
 should be reduced by removing non-core
subjects
Use synonyms
 like physical training and music. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion as these extra
subjects
Use synonyms
 help
students
Use synonyms
 to learn important living
skills
Use synonyms
 and
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
show examples
 of time management. There are many crucial
skills
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as cooking and swimming
that
Punctuation problem
, that
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 young people need to acquire before
being
Verb problem
becoming
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 adults. School is trying to make
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
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 to inculcate
this
Linking Words
 teaching into
students
Use synonyms
 when they are young. Having
a
Correct article usage
apply
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basic trade
skills
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 or other knowledge
than
Change preposition
beyond
show examples
 core
subjects
Use synonyms
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 handy in their future
life
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 and will
able
Verb problem
be able
show examples
fill
Verb problem
to fill
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 them with joy and confidence.
For example
Linking Words
, an adult
lives
Wrong verb form
living
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 away
a
Change preposition
from a
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family with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decent cooking
skill
Check wording
skills
show examples
 can save
his
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 lot of money on eating out and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 to maintain his health. Young
students
Use synonyms
 can learn the ability to manage multiple tasks which are going on simultaneously. Just like real word's responsibility, school is unintentionally putting them under simililar situation. If young people are able to
manager
Replace the word
manage
this
Linking Words
 under parenthood, they can surely deal with
real
Correct your spelling
real-life
life
Use synonyms
 problems by themselves in future and not become
overwhelme
Correct your spelling
overwhelmed
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey published by the University of Calgary says that those
students
Use synonyms
 who have good sports and
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
 activities
recored
Correct your spelling
recorded
 in schools perform very well in university
study
Check wording
studies
show examples
 and
life
Use synonyms
 as well. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 many people suggest
to remove
Wrong verb form
removing
show examples
 non-core
subjects
Use synonyms
 from
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 curriculum to give
them
Correct pronoun usage
students
show examples
 study relief, I
disgree
Correct your spelling
disagree
 that these extra learnings teach
student
Check wording
students
show examples
life
Use synonyms
living
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
skills
Use synonyms
 and
make to
Verb problem
help them
show examples
 balance between many real
life
Use synonyms
 works.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in the first part. Say clearly that you disagree, and keep this same idea all through the essay.
task response
Explain each main point more fully. Some ideas are good, but they need one more step of explanation to show why they matter.
task response
Use examples that are more direct and easy to understand. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Put your ideas in a clearer order. Each body part should have one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, such as 'first', 'also', and 'for example'. This will help the reader follow your meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. Some sentences are hard to follow because the words do not join smoothly.
task response
You answered the question and gave a clear opinion.
task response
You included two main reasons to support your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used examples to support your ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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