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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other part of lives, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? how to overcome it?

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Many
individuals
Use synonyms
 today struggle to balance their professional duties with personal life, and only a few manage to achieve
this
Linking Words
 equilibrium. The reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 issue are varied, but they often stem from long working
hours
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, technological intrusion, and financial pressures. One of the main causes is the demanding nature of modern jobs, which often require
employees
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 to
work
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 extended
hours
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 or handle heavy workloads.
This
Linking Words
 leaves little
time
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 for family, leisure, or self-care.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the widespread use of smartphones and emails has blurred the boundary between
work
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 and home, making it difficult for people to disconnect after office
hours
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. Financial challenges
also
Linking Words
 play a role, as rising living costs push
individuals
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 to take on extra
work
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 or overtime,
further
Linking Words
 reducing personal
time
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, cultural and
organizational
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organisational
show examples
 norms sometimes glorify overwork, discouraging
employees
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 from
prioritizing
Change the spelling
prioritising
show examples
 their personal well-being. To overcome these problems, several measures can be taken. Employers should introduce flexible working arrangements,
such
Linking Words
 as remote
work
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 or flexible
hours
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, which allow
employees
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 to manage personal responsibilities more effectively.
Individuals
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 can
also
Linking Words
 set clear boundaries with technology,
for
Linking Words
instance
Punctuation problem
instance,
show examples
 by avoiding
work
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-related communication after office
hours
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. Effective
time
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 management, including
prioritizing
Change the spelling
prioritising
show examples
 tasks and delegating responsibilities, can help reduce stress and free up personal
time
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, companies should promote wellness programs and encourage
employees
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 to take vacations, fostering a healthier workplace culture. On a personal level, people should dedicate
time
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 to hobbies, exercise, and family, ensuring both mental and physical health. In conclusion, the difficulty in achieving
work
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-life balance arises from long
hours
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, technology intrusion, and financial pressures.
However
Linking Words
, with flexible policies, better
time
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 management, and supportive workplace cultures,
individuals
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 can achieve a healthier balance. Both employers and
employees
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 must cooperate to ensure that professional success does not come at the expense of personal well-being.

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task response
Add one real or clear example for each main idea.
task response
Explain a bit more how each cause leads to poor balance.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more range, but keep them clear.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are listed fast. Develop one or two points more fully.
task response
You answer both parts of the question clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are easy to follow from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
Main points are relevant and well organized.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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