Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialise with others. This can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved?

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Nowadays, everyone can widely

access

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the

internet

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, especially young

people

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, who rely on social

mediafor

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media for

everything, including their lifestyle.

This

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essay discusses the problems when

kids

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go online without supervision and the solutions. Unsupervised

access

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to the

internet

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in the young generation causes some issues.

To begin

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, mental issues can be caused when teenagers excessively receive negative content or comments, especially from

people

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they do not know. The more they rely on

people

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in social media, the more

this

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mentally affects them because they intensively focus on how

people

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think about them.

For instance

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, they post their photo on Instagram,

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then

Correct word choice

and then

show examples

they get negative comments from other

people

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As a result

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this

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can lower their self-confidence and self-love, which can gradually create the feeling of self-hate, and

then

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they hurt themselves.

Next,

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it enhances the crimes because their ability to consider does not work effectively compared to adults

due to

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less experience. Young individuals easily get seduced by others.

In addition

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, they imitate what they see online without realising if it is good or bad,

for example

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, a student in the U.S. armed and massively shot others at school because he got inspired by the game that he played online.

However

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, the solutions to

this

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issue can be,

firstly

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parents

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try to limit the number of hours for

internet

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access

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, and ensure that the sources that the children

access

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do not consist of any harmful or violent content. To illustrate,

parents

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may allow their child to

access

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the

internet

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for a few hours after school, and you sit nearby them.

Furthermore

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parents

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need to be approachable and open up for the

kids

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to confidently talk about things with. Family should be a safe space for children to express their feelings and thoughts.

Parents

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should not directly judge them;

on the other hand

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, they should understand the

kids

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This

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way will encourage the children to feel brave and confident to reach out to their family. In conclusion, young individuals have unsupervised

access

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to the

internet

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cause mental issues and crimes. The solutions provided in

this

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essay, which are limited

internet

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access

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hours and opening up things with

kids

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, might not be able to solve

this

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problem in the long term.

patt.rusrin

Apr 20, 2026

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task response

Answer both parts more fully. You talk about problems and fixes, but the last line says the fixes may not work. This weakens your answer.

task response

Make your main ideas more clear. Use one clear problem in each body part, then explain it with one simple example.

task response

Use examples that fit the topic more closely. The school shooting example feels too big and not fully linked to lack of parent control online.

coherence and cohesion

Put ideas in a cleaner order. Some sentences are long and hard to follow.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words with care. Words like 'to begin', 'next', 'however', and 'furthermore' are good, but some joins are not smooth.

coherence and cohesion

Check reference words and grammar in links. For example, 'This way' and 'opening up things with kids' sound unclear.

task response

You answer both questions in the task.

task response

You give real problems like bad comments, crime risk, and copying bad acts online.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.

coherence and cohesion

You use paragraphs well, and each part has a main focus.

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

369 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

unsupervised access
socialise online
inappropriate content
psychologically harmful
cyberbullying
mental health consequences
online predators
exploitation
privacy risks
personal information
identity theft
privacy breaches
time management issues
excessive use
academic performance
physical activity
unhealthy lifestyles

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