Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialise with others. This can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved?

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Nowadays, everyone can widely
access
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the
internet
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, especially young
people
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, who rely on social
mediafor
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media for
everything, including their lifestyle.
This
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essay discusses the problems when
kids
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go online without supervision and the solutions. Unsupervised
access
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to the
internet
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in the young generation causes some issues.
To begin
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, mental issues can be caused when teenagers excessively receive negative content or comments, especially from
people
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they do not know. The more they rely on
people
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in social media, the more
this
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mentally affects them because they intensively focus on how
people
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think about them.
For instance
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, they post their photo on Instagram,
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then
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and then
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they get negative comments from other
people
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.
As a result
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,
this
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can lower their self-confidence and self-love, which can gradually create the feeling of self-hate, and
then
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they hurt themselves.
Next,
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it enhances the crimes because their ability to consider does not work effectively compared to adults
due to
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less experience. Young individuals easily get seduced by others.
In addition
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, they imitate what they see online without realising if it is good or bad,
for example
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, a student in the U.S. armed and massively shot others at school because he got inspired by the game that he played online.
However
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, the solutions to
this
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issue can be,
firstly
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,
parents
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try to limit the number of hours for
internet
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access
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, and ensure that the sources that the children
access
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do not consist of any harmful or violent content. To illustrate,
parents
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may allow their child to
access
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the
internet
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for a few hours after school, and you sit nearby them.
Furthermore
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,
parents
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need to be approachable and open up for the
kids
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to confidently talk about things with. Family should be a safe space for children to express their feelings and thoughts.
Parents
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should not directly judge them;
on the other hand
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, they should understand the
kids
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.
This
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way will encourage the children to feel brave and confident to reach out to their family. In conclusion, young individuals have unsupervised
access
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to the
internet
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cause mental issues and crimes. The solutions provided in
this
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essay, which are limited
internet
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access
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hours and opening up things with
kids
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, might not be able to solve
this
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problem in the long term.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk about problems and fixes, but the last line says the fixes may not work. This weakens your answer.
task response
Make your main ideas more clear. Use one clear problem in each body part, then explain it with one simple example.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic more closely. The school shooting example feels too big and not fully linked to lack of parent control online.
coherence and cohesion
Put ideas in a cleaner order. Some sentences are long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words like 'to begin', 'next', 'however', and 'furthermore' are good, but some joins are not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Check reference words and grammar in links. For example, 'This way' and 'opening up things with kids' sound unclear.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
You give real problems like bad comments, crime risk, and copying bad acts online.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs well, and each part has a main focus.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsupervised access
  • socialise online
  • inappropriate content
  • psychologically harmful
  • cyberbullying
  • mental health consequences
  • online predators
  • exploitation
  • privacy risks
  • personal information
  • identity theft
  • privacy breaches
  • time management issues
  • excessive use
  • academic performance
  • physical activity
  • unhealthy lifestyles
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