Childhood obesity is a crucial issue in Australia, affecting a large number of students. Many suggest that education should play an important role in children’s health and can help combat this problem. This essay will discuss how schools require to monitor student’s eating habits and exercise levels to address overweight children.

#childhood #obesity #australia #students #education #role #children’s #health #combat #schools #student’s #habits #exercise #levels #address #children

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There is no denying the fact that

children

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health

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is a substantial matter to be discussed.

While

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it is held belief that a significant number of Australian students suffer from obesity.

Therefore

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, people suggest that education should play a crucial role in

children

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health

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to minimize

this

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issue.

This

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essay will analyse

this

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topic and include some measures in order to address

this

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problem.

To begin

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with, various factors led

this

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disease to be common in Australian

children

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In other words

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, lack of awareness and adverse eating habits were the main reasons for increasing obesity in their society.

Moreover

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, processed food consists of massive amounts of sugar and other unhealthy ingredients which affects

children

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badly.

For example

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, studies have proven that fast

food

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food's

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impact was much bigger on

children

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health

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compared to adults. Another point to consider, schools have the ability to modify

children

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’s bad habits by obligating their students to practise some exercise lessons to enhance their

health

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. It is

also

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possible to say that providing healthy snacks and monitoring their diet during school hours would be beneficial for them.

For instance

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, restricting students from eating junk food in their breakfast breaks would reduce obesity in

this

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environment. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to

this

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question. On balance,

however

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, I tend to believe that schools should be obligated by the government to enhance their policies and procedures in order to limit the

spear

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spread

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this

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disease because of their vital role in addressing

this

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trend.

Submitted by omima7a7md on Thu Jan 09 2025

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Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay covers the main points and provides a clear perspective on how schools could address childhood obesity. However, ensure that each paragraph directly connects to your main thesis to enhance cohesiveness.

Task Response

Try to offer more detailed examples and analysis to support your statements. This will strengthen your argument and provide depth.

Task Response

Make sure that every idea and assertion is backed up with evidence or explanation. Avoiding unsupported claims will enhance the essay's credibility.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, successfully framing the discussion and providing resolution.

Task Response

You have addressed the issue of childhood obesity in schools comprehensively, discussing aspects like diet monitoring and exercise.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay logically flows from the problem to potential solutions, maintaining good structural coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

248 words

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Some people think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it is better to deal with them nationally. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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