IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

If people could choose between a life without working or a life spending too much time working, people would choose a life without work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that
work
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 plays a central role in
people
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’s lives. Some
people
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 argue that if given a choice between not working at all and working excessively, most
individuals
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 would prefer a
life
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 without
work
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.
Although
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 some may agree with
this
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 view, I am opposed to it
due to
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 several reasons, which will be examined in
this
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 essay. One of the most apparent reasons is that
work
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 provides
individuals
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 with a sense of purpose and personal achievement. To illustrate, having a job allows
people
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 to develop skills, contribute to society, and achieve personal goals.
For instance
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, many
individuals
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 feel a sense of satisfaction when they accomplish tasks or progress in their careers.
In addition
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,
work
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 can provide social interaction and structure to daily
life
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, which are important for mental well-being.
This
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 suggests that completely avoiding
work
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 may lead to boredom or a lack of fulfilment. Another point that should not be overlooked is that excessive
work
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 can
also
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 have negative effects, which explains why
people
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 may not choose either extreme. To clarify, working too many hours can lead to stress, fatigue, and poor
work
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–
life
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 balance.
For example
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,
individuals
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 who spend excessive time working may neglect their health, family, and personal interests.
Therefore
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, rather than choosing a
life
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 without
work
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, most
people
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 would likely prefer a balanced lifestyle that includes both productive
work
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 and sufficient leisure time. To recapitulate, it is evident that
while
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 excessive
work
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 can be harmful, a
life
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 without
work
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 may lack purpose and satisfaction.
Therefore
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, I believe that most
people
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 would not choose either extreme, but
instead
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 prefer a balanced approach that combines meaningful
work
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 with adequate rest and personal time.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct. You say you do not agree, but later you say most people would choose a middle way. This is a bit off the question.
task response
Add one more clear example to show why people still want work. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Explain your key idea more deeply. For example, say why purpose from work is so important in real life.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some are good, but a few parts sound a bit formal and fixed.
coherence and cohesion
Make the topic sentence of each body paragraph match the main answer more closely.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay flows well, but you can make the second paragraph connect better to the question choice between two lives.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a clear end.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are easy to follow and the order is logical.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
task response
You give reasons and examples to support your points.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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