In some countries people of all age groups are engaging in too many sports or over-exercising. Are there more advantages or drawbacks to this development?

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In some countries around the world,
people
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of all ages are enrolling in too many
sports
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or over-exercising.
While
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the wide category of
sports
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could make
people
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more excited, it would be bad for them as those
sports
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could regularly cost their budget, which, in my opinion, far outweighs any possible advantage. On the one hand, globalization affects the activities of society. As
sports
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are part of that figure,
people
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have a lot of options to search for activities that make them happy and relaxed.
However
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, nowadays,
people
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like to do various exercises that keep them aligned with the modern lifestyle and not always about healthy factors.
Consequently
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, they would undergo inconsistent exercise because they are motivated to update to obtain a social judgement.
Moreover
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, it would be dangerous if they force those trends and get fatigued from it.
On the other hand
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, with so many disadvantages of over-exercising, one of them is that
people
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who easily change their types of
sports
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could have harmful economic effects.
For instance
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,
people
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would quickly move their types of
sports
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because they are exposed to Instagram trends. Substituting their
sports
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would
also
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impact the changes to the goods that support their new exercise.
This
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figure would increase their expense and make the old stuff unutilized.
Furthermore
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, in a bad case, they would sacrifice their primer needs to enormous their
sports
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styles. In conclusion,
although
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the distinct types of
sports
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could make
people
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more delighted, it would be getting
worst
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worse
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for them as those
sports
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could decrease their budget regularly, which, in my opinion, greatly outweighs any possible advantage.

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Task Achievement
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction to make it clear what advantage or drawback you prioritize.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of ideas by using clear transition phrases between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Provide more concrete examples for your arguments to support your points better, especially in relation to the drawbacks.
Task Achievement
You have a clear overall opinion presented in your introduction and conclusion.
Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates awareness of both sides of the argument regarding sports and exercise.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical well-being
  • healthcare systems
  • over-exercising
  • cardiovascular problems
  • social interaction
  • community building
  • fitness-related industries
  • economic benefits
  • job creation
  • consumer spending
  • mental health issues
  • anxiety
  • body image disorders
  • personal development
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