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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education.To what extent do you agree? Please try to

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The discussion about whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
policymakers should spend
money
Correct determiner usage
more money
show examples
 on education
more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than
arts
Change preposition
on the arts
show examples
 is increasing lately. Some think
thats
Correct your spelling
that's
 education is the
dervtive
Correct your spelling
derivative
 of
art
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 others argue that
art
Use synonyms
 has a greater value
mostly
Punctuation problem
, mostly
show examples
 in
countries
Use synonyms
 where history rules its future. Personally, I believe the balance between both is the best solution for the argument.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one hand, many
argues
Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
show examples
 that governments need to shift
it
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 focus toward education, specifically
Use synonyms
countries
Change preposition
in countries
show examples
 that suffer from financial instability. Mostly because when citizens are
well-educated
Punctuation problem
well-educated,
show examples
 that mean they have more efficient workers and
economy
Correct article usage
an economy
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some have the
persepective
Correct your spelling
perspective
 that artists
relay
Use the right word
rely
show examples
 on their
knoweldge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 to create their artworks.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
spend
Replace the word
spending
 should be
highly
Rephrase
heavily
show examples
 on teaching people.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, many
countries
Use synonyms
relay
Use the right word
rely
show examples
 on
art
Use synonyms
 to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 their nation, meaning those governments need to spend significantly on taking care of the statues moslty the older ones
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 they are more prone to
damages
Check wording
damage
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, Iran is one of the oldest
countries
Use synonyms
 as it went through many eras,
therefore
Linking Words
 it has one of the biggest
collection
Fix the agreement mistake
collections
show examples
 of artworks like canvases and places allowing them to allocate
blenty
Correct your spelling
plenty
 of expenditure on it and gain from it higher profit healping the whole nation. In conclusion, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 two growing persepctive whether money should be spent on
art
Use synonyms
 or the
learn
Replace the word
learning
 of people. Though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 I have a strong opinion that the combination of the two would create a very powerful economy and society.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say early if you agree, disagree, or partly agree, and keep this same view in all parts.
task response
Make your main ideas clearer. Some points are hard to follow because the meaning changes or is too general.
task response
Use examples that clearly support your point. The Iran example is useful, but explain more clearly how it links to your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Organize each body paragraph around one clear main idea. Then add one or two simple supporting points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Good links are there, but some are not used in the best way, like 'In the one hand'. Use 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. Some sentences do not flow well, so the reader must guess your meaning.
coherence and cohesion
You wrote an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion. This gives your essay a clear basic shape.
task response
You gave views from both sides and added your own opinion in the end.
task response
You used a real country example, which helps make your essay more specific.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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