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Writing Samples
Band 4

More and more young people are interested in finding out about their family background and history. What are the possible reasons? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In
this
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 modern world, there has been a marked increase in young
ones
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people
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 searching for their ancestors and observing their past.
This
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 may lead to several consequences
about
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of
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 changing attitudes. In
this
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 essay, developments towards
this
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 situation will be examined
whether
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, whether
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 it is positive or negative. The primary reason is that teens have an urge to search
facts
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for facts
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 about their culture to identify themselves in a cultural
root
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context
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. They are eager to find clues about their ancestors, which will expose the truths about their background.
Moreover
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,
increase
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the increase
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 of technologic advancements is
also
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 a key factor
to
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in
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this
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 rising pattern. Appliances
such
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 as DNA testing and online reports are making
easier
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it easier
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 to observe family backgrounds. Another point is that there are several positive impacts of
this
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 trend. Learning more about family can strengthen relationships and promote cultural awareness.
For example
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, young people who create strong relationships with their relatives are more likely to understand and respect cultural heritage.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 sense of knowledge can bring confidence.
While
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 some people argue that focusing too much on
past
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the past
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 could limit
present
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the present
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, it is important to understand the past for building a stronger future.
To conclude
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, there are several consequences of interest in family background
and
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, and
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 it brings several positive aspects
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while
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, while
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 some others think there are drawbacks too.
Therefore
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, I believe that
this
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 is a positive development, as it helps individuals understand themselves and their place in society more clearly.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Give more clear reasons why young people want to know family history.
task response
Your view is clear, but explain the negative side a bit more before you reject it.
task response
Use one or two more real and clear examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which helps the reader follow it.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are linked well with words like moreover and furthermore, but some links feel forced.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not easy to follow because the meaning is unclear. Make each main point simple and direct.
task response
You answered the question and gave your opinion clearly in the end.
task response
You gave two main reasons: self identity and new technology.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, which is good for overall flow.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ancestry
  • genealogy
  • digital platforms
  • personal identity
  • globalization
  • genetic predispositions
  • cultural heritage
  • self-awareness
  • DNA testing
  • privacy concerns
  • disillusionment
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