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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children should start school at a very early age, while others think they should begin later. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the present era, the appropriate
age
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 for
children
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to begin
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 their formal education has become a very common issue among
people
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 all over the world. Many
people
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 believe that starting
school
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 at a very early
age
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 has numerous merits,
while
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 others think it has a few drawbacks as well. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides of the issue and present my opinion. On the one hand,
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To
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to
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 begin with, it is quite difficult to decide whether early schooling is beneficial for human beings or not. We need to
analyze
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analyse
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 the issue from different perspectives. A significant number of
people
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 believe that early academic exposure plays a vital role in our modern society. It has a considerable impact on present social, moral, and economic factors, as it helps
children
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 develop cognitive and social skills sooner.
Moreover
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, some individuals think that enrolling
children
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 in
school
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 early has very positive effects on the modern world by preparing them for a competitive future.
For example
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, a report published by "The Daily Star" states that more than 80% of
people
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 can gain better knowledge
gained
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apply
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through early childhood education.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 believe
children
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 should start
school
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 later.
This
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 is because young
children
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 need more time for play and family bonding, which is important for their emotional development.
Moreover
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, starting
school
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 too early can create stress and pressure on
children
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.
For instance
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, too much academic work at a young
age
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 may reduce creativity and happiness. In conclusion ,
There
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there
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 is no douth than choosing the right
age
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 of the
school
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 has both positive
or
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and
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 negative sides.
However
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, I believe that starting
school
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 slightly later, around
age
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 5 or 6, is essential for
people
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 in the present time, despite the arguments against it, as it allows for emotional maturity. Moving forward, it is imperative to adopt a balanced approach that
maximizes
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maximises
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 the benefits of learning
while
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 mitigating its drawbacks through play based curriculum.

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task response
Task response: You discuss both views and give your opinion, so the main task is covered. But some ideas are too general. Add clearer reasons for each side.
task response
Task response: Your opinion is clear in the end, but it would be stronger if you state it earlier too.
task response
Task response: Use a more clear example. The newspaper example is not easy to follow and the sentence is not fully correct.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear 4-part structure: introduction, one side, other side, conclusion. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some linking words are used well, like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'. But sometimes they are not natural or have extra spaces and wrong punctuation.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences repeat the same idea in different words. Try to make each sentence add one new point.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: A few ideas are not fully developed. For example, the first body paragraph has broad claims, but not enough support.
task response
Task response: You answer all parts of the question.
task response
Task response: Your opinion is clear in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has a clear beginning and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Paragraphing is clear and easy to follow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • social skills
  • learning disabilities
  • natural development
  • family bonding
  • competitive edge
  • formal education
  • Scandinavian countries
  • academic performance
  • balanced approach
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