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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children should start school at a very early age, while others think they should begin later. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the present era, the appropriate
age
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 for
children
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to begin
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 their formal education has become a very common issue among
people
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 all over the world. Many
people
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 believe that starting
school
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 at a very early
age
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 has numerous merits,
while
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 others think it has a few drawbacks as well. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides of the issue and present my opinion. On the one hand,
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To
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to
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 begin with, it is quite difficult to decide whether early schooling is beneficial for human beings or not. We need to
analyze
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analyse
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 the issue from different perspectives. A significant number of
people
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 believe that early academic exposure plays a vital role in our modern society. It has a considerable impact on present social, moral, and economic factors, as it helps
children
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 develop cognitive and social skills sooner.
Moreover
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, some individuals think that enrolling
children
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 in
school
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 early has very positive effects on the modern world by preparing them for a competitive future.
For example
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, a report published by "The Daily Star" states that more than 80% of
people
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 can
lead better knowledge gained
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gain better knowledge
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 through early childhood education.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 believe
children
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 should start
school
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 later.
This
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 is because young
children
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 need more time for play and family bonding, which is important for their emotional development.
Moreover
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, starting
school
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 too early can create stress and pressure on
children
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.
For instance
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, too much academic work at a young
age
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 may reduce creativity and happiness. In conclusion ,
There
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there
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 is no douth than choosing the right
age
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 of the
school
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 has both positive
or
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and
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 negative sides.
However
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, I believe that starting
school
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 slightly later, around
age
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 5 or 6, is essential for
people
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 in the present time, despite the arguments against it, as it allows for emotional maturity. Moving forward, it is imperative to adopt a balanced approach that
maximizes
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maximises
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 the benefits of learning
while
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 mitigating its drawbacks through play based curriculum.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is clear, but the first side is much longer than the second side.
task response
Give more clear main ideas. Some ideas are too general, so the reader cannot fully see your point.
task response
Use one strong and real example for each side. Your example for early school is not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear topic in each paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple and correct way. Some linkers are used, but a few parts still feel weak or not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and word choice in the conclusion. This part has some mistakes, so the meaning is less clear.
task response
You answered the full question and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like On the one hand, Moreover, and In conclusion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • social skills
  • learning disabilities
  • natural development
  • family bonding
  • competitive edge
  • formal education
  • Scandinavian countries
  • academic performance
  • balanced approach
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