Write an essay on the topic below. Some people prefer to shop in traditional stores. Other people prefer to do their shopping online. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is an ongoing debate about whether it is more convenient to make purchases in offline
stores
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or if it is better to do shopping online. Some people prefer buying goods in traditional
stores
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, because customers can notice and touch every detail, which helps them to estimate the quality. Other people choose online shopping
not
Correct word choice
so as not
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to spend
time
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for
Change preposition
apply
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commuting and standing in queues. In my opinion, both perspectives have merit, but I would stick to buying things offline. One of the main reasons to make purchases in traditional
stores
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is to have a possibility to learn all the details and touch goods with your own hands. In
this
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way a customer can evaluate size, weight, quality and other essential details which is sometimes difficult to estimate adequately in a picture or reading a description.
For instance
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, buying shoes can be challenging, because different manufacturers have their own size chart and feet of every person are not the same.
For
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this
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reason, I am convinced that it is important to learn things before buying them.
On the other hand
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, making purchases at any
time
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in online
stores
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and lying on a sofa simultaneously is extremely comfortable. A customer can look at an assortment and compare prices in different online shops. A client
economizes
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economises
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time
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for commuting and has a wider variety of shops if they live in
a
Correct article usage
the
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countryside.
For example
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, buying goods online for a rural resident can help to avoid standing in queues and wasting
time
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for
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apply
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getting to a city with a wide range of markets.
However
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, despite having significant advantages of the described method, I am still lean on practicing offline shopping. In conclusion, I believe that both ways of doing shopping have their
prons
Correct your spelling
pros
and cons. In the first
case
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case,
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a client can ensure whether the particular good is suitable for them or not. In the second case a customer economizes
time
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.

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task response
Task response: Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is clear, but the part about online shopping could be a little fuller.
task response
Task response: Add one more clear reason for your opinion, so your main view feels stronger.
task response
Task response: Be careful with word choice and form. Some parts are not natural, and this can make your ideas less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear 4-part shape, which is good. To make it better, link ideas inside each body paragraph more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are too long or heavy. Use shorter sentences sometimes to make the line of thought easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use simple linking words well, like first, also, for example, however, and in conclusion.
task response
Task response: You discussed both shopping in stores and shopping online, and you gave your own opinion clearly.
task response
Task response: You used examples, such as shoes and people in the countryside. This helps support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This is a clear structure.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Each body paragraph mostly stays on one main idea, so the reader can follow your points.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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