IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows the life cycle of the Monarch butterfly.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The chart illustrates how the Monarch butterfly life cycle
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that
Monarch
Correct article usage
the Monarch
show examples
 butterfly's
lifestyle process
Check wording
life cycle
show examples
 has 8 stages.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the process starts with mating and eggs being laid by mature
butterflies
Use synonyms
 and
at the end
Linking Words
 of the process
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, larva
show examples
larva changes
Correct subject-verb agreement
larvae change
show examples
 to
adult
Use synonyms
butterflies
Use synonyms
. The
butterflies
Use synonyms
 are laying eggs on milkweed leaves,
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
 2 weeks
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
larva
Use synonyms
's hatched.
This
Linking Words
stage
Use synonyms
 larvae eat milkweed leaves and grow up, chance to caterpillar.
However
Linking Words
, when the larvae grow, they start
attachment
Correct article usage
the attachment
show examples
 of the
Use synonyms
larva procedure (
Check wording
apply
show examples
larval
stage
Use synonyms
)
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
.
Larva
Use synonyms
 started to create his own cocoon called
chrysalis
Correct article usage
a chrysalis
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
spends
Correct pronoun usage
he spends
show examples
 ten days inside
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
During after
Change preposition
After
show examples
 ten days butterfly moves from the larval
stage
Use synonyms
 to the pupal
stage
Use synonyms
. The onset of the pupal
stage
Use synonyms
 leads to the emergence of an
adult
Use synonyms
 organism, and
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
adult
Use synonyms
 butterfly starts its migration
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the South. After 6
months
Punctuation problem
months,
show examples
adult
Use synonyms
butterflies
Use synonyms
 migrate north
where
Punctuation problem
, where
show examples
 he meets a new partner.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words butterflies, larva, adult, stage with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: