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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people belive that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Other argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinión

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It is frequently asserted that it is best to accept a poor situation,
such
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 as an unsatisfactory career or a shortage of funds,
whereas
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 others contend that trying and improving
such
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 situations is a more viable approach.
This
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 essay will examine both schools of thought before arguing that enhancing and upgrading conditions is the more rational perspective. On the one hand, people who support accepting a bad situation have a fair point of view
,
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. To
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to begin
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 with, unfavourable situations are not always detrimental
,
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;
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for instance
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, having an unsatisfactory job is more beneficial than not having a job at all.
Moreover
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, staying persistent with hopes in these points, despite low salaries, will lead to success in long-terms.
On the other hand
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, one must acknowledge that working more and improving to get into a satisfactory place has good payoffs. Starting with having a more stable mental health, avoiding depression and anxiety
as a result
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 of being in somewhere you enjoy.
Furthermore
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, optimising to reach a preferable position accompiend with relieving incomes will absolutely have a positive impact on personal aspects. In light of the above, I unequivocally advocate for enhancing to reach a more favourable situation,
although
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 accepting a bad position has its own potential and serves some strength, the other perspective provides substantial gains
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such
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, such
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 as personal development and a stable health state. It is advisable that individuals increase their own merits to secure a fruitful outcome in the years to come.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about each view, but the ideas are short.
task response
Give one clear example for each side. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Explain your opinion more deeply in the body, not only in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Break long sentences into shorter ones. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'however'.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
The main idea of each paragraph can be understood.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • acceptance
  • contentment
  • resilience
  • complacency
  • personal growth
  • societal progress
  • motivating
  • circumstances
  • growth mindset
  • innovation
  • persistent
  • frustration
  • dissatisfaction
  • realistic expectations
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