In modern society, it is possible to go shopping, work, and accommodate via the Internet without face-to-face contact with one another. To what extent do you think this is a positive or negative development.

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In today's technologically developed world, it is easy for
people
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to buy, work, and
socialize
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socialise
show examples
through the
internet
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. In my opinion, I presume
this
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is a more positive
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while
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view, while
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it
also
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has the opposite view. On the one hand,
it is clear that
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contemporary
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the contemporary
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world has developed digitally
which
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, which
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contains
internet
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. Digital
service's
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services'
show examples
main properties are that they can be exposed to
those
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a
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broad extent
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such
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, such
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as ages and states. For
costumers
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customers
show examples
, they can save the time which used to wasted on the way. They can shop
things
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for things
show examples
whenever they want, and
also
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visit the online shop of
which
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the
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mother company is on the foreign country.
People
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's choices get wider
so
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, so
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their personality can be concrete by choosing the materials that fit
to
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apply
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them.
On the other hand
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, accommodating
due to
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internet
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the internet
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has negative impacts on the users. Contemporary media services often interrupt
the
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apply
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face-to-face contact with one another.
People
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who get used to
do
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doing
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so encounter some
socializing
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socialising
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problems
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such
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, such
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as conversing with others
on the
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apply
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offline, or being threatened
of
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with
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calling
to
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apply
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others.
For example
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, the generation who
imposed
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spent
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their childhood in COVID-19 had
been
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apply
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struggled to communicate with others properly. It means that remote interactions via
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internet
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the internet
show examples
lacks
people
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to
formulate
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apply
show examples
communicate
abilities
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apply
show examples
. In conclusion, using the
internet
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facilitates
people
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to use their time
efficiency
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efficiently
,
while
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overuse of the
internet
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often degrades their interaction skills. So on, I conceive that
this
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is a positive development for contemporary
people
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to manage their time schedule effectively. By balancing online and offline accommodation,
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Internet
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the Internet
show examples
could be the best way to
stabilize
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stabilise
show examples
workforces' work-life balance.

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task response
Answer the full question more clearly. Say why it is mostly positive and also show the negative side.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. One paragraph should focus on benefits, and one should focus on drawbacks.
task response
Support each main point with one simple and clear example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion.
task response
Make your conclusion match your opinion exactly. Keep the final view strong and direct.
task response
You gave a clear opinion that this is mostly positive.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You included one example about children in COVID-19.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • online shopping
  • remote work
  • virtual meetings
  • contactless transactions
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • efficiency
  • time-saving
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • social interaction
  • fraud
  • misuse
  • dependency
  • technology
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