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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that individuals who earn a lot of money are the most successful. Others say that the individuals who contribute to the society (such as scientists or teachers) are the most successful. 🔸Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many individuals think that
people
Use synonyms
 with high salaries are more successful than others,
while
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 others believe that smart
people
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 are successful. From my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
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 smart
people
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 are
just not
Correct word order
not just
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 successful in life
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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also
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 lucky because god give them abilitiy to understand different scientific things.
To begin
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 with ,
people
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 who earn a lot are not so successful because earning money is not
key
Correct article usage
the key
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 to
success
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.
People
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 who earn much cash are just lucky
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 luck is not synonem to the
success
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, as many
people
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 think. Money is the jast fruits of hard work and discipline. Moving to the smart
people
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, they have knowledge and using
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this
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this,
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 they can earn money
that is
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 adequate to provide their life. But they
using their brain can do
Correct word order
can use their brains to make
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 a lot of interesting findings
and
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, and
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 they have an exact goal which they will achieve by doing everything. They have a meaning of life, they exactly know why they are living and why they have been created
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, thet
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thet maces
Correct your spelling
which makes
 them more successiful
then
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 others.
People
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 with a deep mind always have a target
and
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, and
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 with
thinking
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thinking,
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 they can reach that target.
For example
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 , there are
people
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 without a strict target
and
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, and
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 they have not reasons to live and exist. In conclusion,
The
Correct article usage
apply
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success
Use synonyms
in
Verb problem
is
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 not the reason why
people
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 reach
and
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, and
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 even without
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success
Punctuation problem
success,
show examples
people
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 can become rich by working hard. But being smart is the real
success
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 because
while
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 it's difficult for anyone to do something, smart
people
Use synonyms
 can do it easily using their brains.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Write one clear idea for why money means success, and one clear idea for why helping society means success.
task response
Give your opinion in a direct way. Keep the same opinion from start to end.
task response
Use one or two real and clear examples. For example, a doctor, teacher, or scientist who helps many people.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph about one main point only.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like firstly, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Explain each main point more. Some ideas are too general, so the reader cannot follow them well.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Your main opinion is clear: you think smart people are more successful.
task response
You try to compare money and intelligence, so you address the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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