IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people say that companies should give importance to their employees, whereas others say that they should give importance to customers. discus both view and give your opinion.

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It is often argued that companies should prioritise
employees
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’ needs over customers’ demands.
While
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 some people believe that businesses should mainly focus on
customer
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satisfaction
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, I strongly agree that
employees
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 should be given greater importance.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my viewpoint. To commence with, one of the primary reasons why I support
this
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 view is that satisfied
employees
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 lead to higher productivity and better business performance. Notably,
this
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 is because when workers receive good salaries, flexible working hours, and fair benefits, they feel valued and motivated to perform their tasks efficiently.
For instance
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, when
employees
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 are offered overtime pay and a supportive work environment, they tend to show greater commitment and dedication, which ultimately leads to improved company performance and profitability.
Consequently
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, it is evident that employee
satisfaction
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 directly contributes to the growth and success of a business.
Furthermore
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, another compelling point is that taking care of
employees
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’ mental well-being can significantly increase productivity and reduce workplace stress, which benefits the
organization
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organisation
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 in the long term.
Although
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 some people may argue that customers should be prioritised because businesses depend on user
satisfaction
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 and sales,
this
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 argument is not entirely convincing because ignoring employee needs can eventually harm service quality.
For example
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, overworked and stressed
employees
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 are more likely to make mistakes and provide poor
customer
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 service, which negatively affects
customer
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 experience itself.
This
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 clearly shows that employee well-being is indirectly linked to
customer
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satisfaction
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 as well. In conclusion,
although
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 both sides have merit, I firmly believe that companies should prioritise
employees
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 over customers to a greater extent, as it offers more significant benefits in the long run, including higher productivity, better service quality, and sustainable business growth.

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task response
Write more about the other side too, not only your side.
task response
Give one more clear and real example to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Some ideas are good, but one point is a bit repeated. Try to add a new reason instead.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. They are good, but do not use too many in every part.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part focus on one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay flows well, but you can make the change between ideas smoother.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give a clear opinion.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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