IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink that are scientifically proven to be bad for health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is a common belief that shops should be prohibited from selling
food
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 and
drinks
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 that are scientifically proven to be harmful to human
health
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. I strongly agree with
this
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 notion for several reasons. One reason behind the ban on unhealthy
food
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 and beverages lies in their direct impact on public
health
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. Products high in sugar, salt, and unhealthy fats are strongly linked to obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. In the past, people consumed mostly natural and home-cooked meals, which resulted in fewer lifestyle-related illnesses. Today,
however
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, highly-processed
food
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 and sugary
drinks
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 are widely available and aggressively marketed, leading to poor dietary habits. Take the regular consumption of soft
drinks
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 in the United States,
for example
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. Many people who drink them frequently gain excess weight and are at higher risk of developing type two diabetes. Restricting the sale of
such
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 products would likely help prevent these
health
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 problems and improve
overall
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 well-being.
Additionally
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, the availability of unhealthy
food
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 places a heavy financial burden on
healthcare
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 systems. Treating chronic illnesses caused by poor diets requires long-term medical care, medication, and hospital resources. Previously, governments spent far less on treating lifestyle diseases because they were less common.
In contrast
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, modern
healthcare
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 systems now allocate a large portion of their budgets to managing preventable conditions. A case in point is the United States, where obesity-related diseases place a substantial financial burden on the
healthcare
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 system each year. Introducing restrictive regulations on the sale of
such
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 a kind of unhealthy
food
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 and beverages could significantly reduce these costs and enable governments to invest more in preventive
healthcare
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 and public education.
Lastly
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, the removal of
unnutritious
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un nutritious
food
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 from markets would likely encourage individuals to adopt
health
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-promoting lifestyles. When harmful products are within proximate reach, many consumers tend to prioritise convenience over nutrition.
However
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, were shops to be required to sell only healthy alternatives, the public would probably develop better eating habits over time.
For example
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, in Japan, certain schools have implemented rigorous policies against vending machine snacks and high-sugar content
drinks
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, resulting in better student diets. Over time,
such
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 measures may promote improved dietary patterns across society, contributing to higher energy levels and enhanced
overall
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 well-being. In conclusion, I completely agree that stores should not be allowed to sell
food
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 and
drinks
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 that are scientifically proven to be detrimental to
health
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, since
such
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 a regulation would protect societal
health
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, reduce
healthcare
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 costs, and foster healthier lifestyles, ultimately benefiting subjects and society as a whole.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear and you fully agree with the idea. This is good. To be even better, add one short line about the other side and say why you still do not agree with it.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are strong, but some examples feel a bit general. Try to give one more exact and direct example in one body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear 4-part shape: intro, 3 body parts, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your ideas well.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, most links are used well, such as 'Additionally', 'Lastly', and 'In conclusion'. Still, do not use too many formal linkers. Sometimes simple links like 'also' or 'so' sound more natural.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph has one main point and good support. To improve more, make sure each first sentence says the main idea in the most direct way.
task response
You answer the question all the way through and your opinion is strong and easy to see.
task response
Your ideas are clear and stay on the topic. Each body paragraph gives a reason for your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well organised, and the reader can move from one idea to the next with ease.
coherence and cohesion
You have both an introduction and a clear conclusion, which gives your essay a complete shape.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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