IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Obesity is now a major global epidemic. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem?

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In today's fast-paced world, the
problem
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 of obesity is becoming a widespread concern, as a large proportion of people around the world are obese.
This
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 current predicament has became major hurdle.
This
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 essay will discuss solutions to tackle
this
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problem
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.
To begin
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 with, the
problem
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 of obesity can be caused by different issues.One of these is excessive dependence on junk food , which leads to weight gain.
This
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 could lead to damage to their body by consuming more unwanted fatty foods and calories.The difficulty of getting rid of fast food is that it is outrageous, which can be seen on every social media platform or on radio programmes.An example of
this
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 is Mac Donald's Burger King , which can attract a huge number of individuals through advertising.
Furthermore
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, these days, many children consume these foods continually , and
this
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 may cause serious health problems from a young age and later in life, which would affect serious economic problems,
such
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 as increasing the rate of mortality.
Therefore
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, the authorities should ban advertising junk foods which can influence to citizen's health. Another solution the government can put forward is setting up a public area where individuals can work out regularly.
Moreover
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,
this
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 will help to raise more awareness about their health , and they will exercise in their daily life.The main reason for gaining weight is sitting down and not doing any kind of work .To overcome
this
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 , the public fitness area will be the most beneficial solution.
To conclude
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,currently the dilemma of obesity is becoming a sensitive issue , and by decreasing advertising and organising gyms, the
problem
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 can be reduced to a great extent.

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task response
Answer the task more directly. Say clearly what should be done and how it will help cut obesity.
task response
Give 2 or 3 clear solutions and explain each one with a simple result or example.
task response
Keep your ideas on the main topic. Some lines talk about causes more than solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one main point only.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words like First, Also, As a result, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. Some sentences are hard to follow because the order is not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
You give more than one way to deal with obesity.
coherence and cohesion
There is a basic paragraph plan, so the essay is easy to see as a whole.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • epidemic
  • balanced diet
  • nutritional labeling
  • public recreational spaces
  • community sports programs
  • food advertising regulations
  • medical professionals
  • workplace wellness programs
  • mental health support
  • sugary drinks tax
  • consumer choices
  • affordable and accessible
  • health organizations
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