IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people suggest that sport helps people learn about teamwork, but others say it can encourage them to be too competitive. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It is widely debated whether
sport
Use synonyms
 has made
people
Use synonyms
 more collaborative or more competitive.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
sport
Use synonyms
 benefits
teamwork
Use synonyms
, others believe that
sport
Use synonyms
 influences competitive behaviour;
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives before concluding that the positive impact outweighs the drawbacks. First and foremost, those who believe that
sport
Use synonyms
 teaches
people
Use synonyms
 to play as a team argue that success in
sport
Use synonyms
 requires coordinated effort from every player, not just individuals.
This
Linking Words
 is because players have to learn to be responsible in their
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
, trust their teammates, and hold accountability.
For example
Linking Words
, in football, there are various required positions
such
Linking Words
 as
goal keeper
Correct your spelling
goalkeeper
, defender and striker. Every role supports
each other
Correct pronoun usage
the others
show examples
 and heavily relies on
trust
Correct article usage
the trust
show examples
 of the team members.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is understandable why many
people
Use synonyms
 believe in the influence of playing sports on
teamwork
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others contend that
sport
Use synonyms
 can overly trigger a sense of competition because every
sport
Use synonyms
plays
Wrong verb form
is played
show examples
 to win.
This
Linking Words
 pressure can lead to
shape
Correct article usage
a shape
show examples
 mindset and behaviour outside the field, particularly for teenagers. The issue isn’t competition itself but excessive or unhealthy competition.
For instance
Linking Words
, students will learn to compete with invisible opponents or even themselves in order to achieve in everything.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I personally believe that the advantages of
sport
Use synonyms
 outweigh its downsides because there are many factors other than
sport
Use synonyms
 that can lead individuals to be too competitive
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as environment and nurturing. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 state that
sport
Use synonyms
 offers great
teamwork
Use synonyms
, concerns about excessive competitive attitude are
also
Linking Words
 valid.
Overall
Linking Words
, I believe that
sport
Use synonyms
 has a great positive reinforcement to teach about
teamwork
Use synonyms
 more than
teach
Verb problem
to teach
show examples
 them to be competitive.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more fully. Your view is clear, but the second side needs a bit more detail.
task response
Give one more clear example for the view that sport can make people too competitive.
task response
Explain your own opinion more deeply in the body, not only near the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, but some ideas can link more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words carefully, like 'because', 'for example', 'however', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not fully clear. Make each main point short and direct.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
task response
The football example helps support your main idea about teamwork.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, which helps the reader follow your essay.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: