IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The use of mobile phones is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phones should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 have become an essential part of everyday life. Some people argue that excessive
phone
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 is as antisocial as smoking and should
therefore
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 be banned in certain places.
Although
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 some may agree with
this
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 view, I am opposed to it
due to
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 several reasons, which will be examined in
this
Linking Words
 essay. One of the most apparent reasons is that mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 provide significant benefits in communication and daily activities. To illustrate, these devices allow individuals to stay connected with others, access information, and manage tasks efficiently.
For instance
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, people can
use
Use synonyms
 mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 for work, education, and emergency situations, which makes them highly valuable in modern society.
In addition
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, unlike smoking,
phone
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 does not directly harm the physical health of others, which makes the comparison less appropriate. Another point that should not be overlooked is that
while
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 excessive
phone
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 can be disruptive, banning them completely may not be practical. To clarify, in some environments
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as meetings, classrooms, or public transport, inappropriate
phone
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 may disturb others.
For example
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, loud conversations or constant notifications can reduce social interaction and create inconvenience.
However
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,
instead
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 of a complete ban, reasonable restrictions
such
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 as silent mode policies or designated
phone
Use synonyms
-free areas would be more effective in balancing convenience and social consideration. To recapitulate, it is evident that mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 offer important benefits,
while
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 their misuse can cause social disruption.
Therefore
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, I believe that banning mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 in the same way as smoking is unnecessary, and a more balanced approach involving appropriate regulations would be more suitable.

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task response
Make your main view even more direct in the first part. Say clearly that you mostly disagree, and keep this line strong in all body parts.
task response
Add one more clear and real example to make your ideas stronger. Your examples are good, but they are a bit general.
task response
Explain the other side a little more before you reject it. This can show a fuller answer to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, but some link words are used many times. Try to vary them a little.
coherence and cohesion
Some topic sentences could be more exact. This will help the reader see the main point of each paragraph faster.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is clear, but it could be a little stronger by repeating your main reason in a shorter way.
task response
You answer the question and keep the same view from start to end.
task response
Your ideas are clear and relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea and this helps the reader follow your writing.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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