IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #activities #children #parents
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A considerable number of people believe that
parents
 should plan the schedule of their
children
,
while
 some people strongly believe that
children
 can choose how to spend their spare
time
. I reckon that leisure
time
 should be organized by
parents
.
Firstly
, some people argue that the young generation should have more freedom when it comes to choosing what to do in their free
time
, as it is crucial to spend
time
 with pleasure. Giving a chance to choose
activities
 ,
parents
 encourage
children
`s independence .
Moreover
, when teenagers pick
activities
 by themselves, they do not give up easily.
However
, there can be some drawbacks, as
children
 do not have enough experience and knowledge to plan their
time
.
For instance
, nowadays some
children
 are addicted to their
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
, they spend a huge amount of
time
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
scrolling the internet or playing games.
Hence
, it can be difficult
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them to switch to studies or sports.
On the other hand
, leisure
time
 which is organized by
parents
 tends to give the best results . As only
parents
 know their
children
 totally, they
clear
Change the word
clearly
show examples
 understand all preferences and weak sides.
Consequently
, they can effectively organize teenagers` schedules, and there will be equal numbers of active and mental
activities
, and breaks as well.
For example
,
mother
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
 and father can create a timetable with appropriate
activities
.
Besides
 the fact that they will perfectly fill
spare
Correct pronoun usage
their spare
show examples
time
 with mental
activities
 and active sports, they will be able to organize the weekend properly,
therefore
 the whole family will spend quality
time
. In my opinion, I agree that
children
 should be able to choose the
activities
 they want to do in their free
time
, but parental guidance and supervision are
also
 very important so they will choose the activity that has a positive impact.
Submitted by ina1_95 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language Use
To enhance clarity, consider using varied sentence structures and incorporating synonyms to avoid repetition. This enriches the text and showcases a wider range of vocabulary.
Structure
While discussing both views and providing your own opinion, ensure each paragraph focuses on a singular main idea for cohesion. Introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence.
Content
Incorporate specific examples or personal anecdotes to strengthen arguments. This makes your essay more convincing and relatable.
Task Response
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, discussing both views and articulating your own stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, enhances its readability.
Coherence & Cohesion
The use of transitions between paragraphs improves the flow of ideas, making your argument easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: