IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Obesity has become a bigger and more global problem. What are the causes of this? and what solution can be taken to tackle these problems?

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that
obesity
Use synonyms
 has become an increasingly serious global problem.
This
Linking Words
 issue affects people of all ages and can lead to significant health complications. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, an attempt will be made to examine the causes of
obesity
Use synonyms
 and suggest possible solutions. One of the most apparent causes is the widespread availability of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, fast
food
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 and processed meals are often high in sugar, fat, and calories, making them a major contributor to weight gain.
For instance
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, busy
individuals
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 may rely on convenient meals rather than preparing healthy
food
Use synonyms
 at home.
In addition
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, sedentary lifestyles have become more common
due to
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 technological advancements. Many people spend long hours sitting at desks or using digital devices, which reduces physical activity and increases the risk of
obesity
Use synonyms
. The main solution that should not be overlooked is that governments and
individuals
Use synonyms
 should promote healthier lifestyles. To clarify, public health campaigns can raise awareness about balanced diets and the importance of regular exercise.
For example
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, schools can educate students about nutrition,
while
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 workplaces can encourage physical activity through wellness programmes.
Furthermore
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, governments can regulate the
food
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 industry by limiting unhealthy ingredients and improving
food
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 labelling.
In addition
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,
individuals
Use synonyms
 should take responsibility for their habits by exercising regularly and making healthier
food
Use synonyms
 choices. To recapitulate, it is evident that
obesity
Use synonyms
 is mainly caused by unhealthy diets and lack of physical activity,
while
Linking Words
 effective solutions include education, regulation, and lifestyle changes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a combined effort from governments and
individuals
Use synonyms
 is essential to address
this
Linking Words
 global issue and improve public health.

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task response
For task response, your answer covers both parts of the question, but you can add one more cause or one more solution to make your ideas more full.
task response
For task response, some examples are good, but they are a bit general. Try to use more clear and real examples.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has a clear job. Keep this style.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some linking words are used well, but there are many of them. Use fewer and more natural links sometimes.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the second body paragraph has many ideas. You can split or explain one idea more deeply.
task response
For task response, you answer both the causes and the solutions clearly.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are on topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph connects well to the main topic.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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