IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that children should be taught the importance of saving money at a young age. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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In recent
years
Punctuation problem
years,
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people
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from
Change preposition
of
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 all ages have developed the habit of saving
money
Use synonyms
 exponentially. Some
people
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 from our society emphasizes on building the tendency
of depositing
Wrong verb form
to deposit
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money
Use synonyms
 from
the
Correct article usage
a
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 very early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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. I'm neither ruling out
this
Linking Words
 notion nor supporting
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 completely. Because growing a tendency
of saving
Change preposition
to save
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money
Use synonyms
from the
Change preposition
among
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 young
people
Use synonyms
 has its own merits and demerits. Let's dive
down
Rephrase
apply
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into
this
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 topic and
analysis
Replace the word
analyse
this
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 issue. We know that
people
Use synonyms
 want to be
risk averse
Correct your spelling
risk-averse
 for their
future
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.
Due to
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 having uncertainty
we
Punctuation problem
, we
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 visit
to
Change preposition
apply
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banks or financial institutions to keep our
savings
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 safe.
Simultaneously
Punctuation problem
Simultaneously,
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 these deposits provide us
some
Change preposition
with some
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 returns which ultimately
secures
Correct subject-verb agreement
secure
show examples
 our
futute
Correct your spelling
future
 to some
extents
Check wording
extent
show examples
. If
children
Use synonyms
nurtures
Correct subject-verb agreement
nurture
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this
Linking Words
 habit,
this
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 can be fruitful for their
future
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 ventures.
For example
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, if a child saves from his school days, he may invest his
savings
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 for probable higher studies.
Moreover
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, if anyone wants to inaugurate a business in
future
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, he can
begins
Wrong verb form
begin
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 with his own accumulated
savings
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. I
also
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 firmly support the above mentioned thoughts for practical reasons. Now let's see the other side of the coin. Exposure to
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money related
Correct your spelling
money-related
 dealings may
deviate
Verb problem
divert
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 the
children
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by
Change preposition
in
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 many ways. They can be
money
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freak
Fix the agreement mistake
freaks
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instead
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 of being creative in their routine works e.g. education. Early stages of th life seem to be the most suitable time for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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talent nourishment. Leaning
to
Change preposition
towards
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savings
Use synonyms
 may divert
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
attention from early development to
future
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 enrichment.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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children
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 may be deprived of nutrition, quality education and medical treatment.
To sum
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up
Add a comma
up,
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 I can say that
children
Use synonyms
 should
grow of
Verb problem
develop
show examples
 a habit of saving
money
Use synonyms
 from
their
Correct determiner usage
an
show examples
 early
phases
Fix the agreement mistake
phase
show examples
. But that should not be excessive by hampering their daily needs. After meeting all the required
money
Use synonyms
 for the initial development of talent, parents may encourage their
children
Use synonyms
 to save
money
Use synonyms
 for their
future
Use synonyms
endevours
Correct your spelling
endeavours
.

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task response
Answer the question more clearly. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree in the first part and keep this same view to the end.
task response
Give ideas in a more direct way. Some points are hard to follow because the meaning is not always clear.
task response
Use one or two clear examples and explain them more. This will make your main ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body part. Then add support for that idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and so. Some parts now jump too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and word choice. A few lines are hard to understand, so the flow becomes weak.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and try to give a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear start, two body parts, and an end.
task response
You use an example about school and future study, which helps support your point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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