It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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At present, saving is crucial for every
range
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age range
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of
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, of
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ages especially young people.
This
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essay completly agree with
this
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controversial issue,
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also
Correct word choice
and
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my opinion will be provided. Some people may not prefer in keeping their
money
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with the
banks
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because they do not even have a salary.
For
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example
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example,
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teenagers, their responsibility are wake up and go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school. So sources of
money
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they get
,
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apply
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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from their parents
which
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, which
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is not really a large amount.
Moreover
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, depositing
money
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needs to use
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requires using
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the
sevice
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services
of the
banks
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or machines,
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this
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which
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can cause time wasted in
transporting
Replace the word
transportation
. To illustrate, a farmer living in the urban area needs 1 to 3 hours to drive a car to the city in doing bankings.
This
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scenario requires at least 2 hours to travel.
In contrast
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, starting deposit as fast as you can. The profits will be increased
compare
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compared
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to the
money
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that has not been with
banks
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.
Additionally
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, the
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banks
Correct subject-verb agreement
bank
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is a company that will help citizen in keeping the
money
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safely
Replace the word
safer
than we keep in
our
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their
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own
house
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homes
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.
This
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can prevent the community from robbing and other dangerous
situation
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situations
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that can
be
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apply
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happen. For
parents
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parents,
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this
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could
also
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be a practice for their kids about banking, to be aware
in
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of in
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the near future.
For instance
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, an officer
man start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
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to save his
money
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at the bank for 5000, 5 years later he
withdraw
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withdraws
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his
money
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from his account
and
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, and
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the number rises to 10500.
To conclude
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,
although
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depositing
money
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needs several factors to
begins
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begin
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. But if you have some
money
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left, putting in your account is better
due to
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the rising
of
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apply
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money
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ended
Verb problem
apply
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, safety and knowledge.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why you agree, and keep this idea strong in all parts.
task response
Add ideas that are more clear and full. Some points are hard to understand, so explain them in a simple way.
task response
Use examples that fit the main idea better. The bank example is good, but it needs more clear facts.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one main point. This will help the essay feel more easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some sentences jump too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar, because unclear form makes the flow weak.
task response
You give a clear opinion and you agree with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
There is an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to use examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a basic paragraph structure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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