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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about cinema attendance in Australia between 1990 and the present, with projections to 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The graph below gives information about cinema attendance in Australia between 1990 and the present, with projections to 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates the percentage of people in four different
age
Use synonyms
 groups who went to the cinema at least once a year in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, four different ages increased over time
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 cinema attendance.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 most noticeable feature is that the number of 14-
24
Fix the agreement mistake
24-year-olds
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 was the largest
attendence
Correct your spelling
attendance
 throughout the
period
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the
50 and over
Correct your spelling
50-and-over
age
Use synonyms
 was the lowest percentage in the figure.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 from 25 to 49 fluctuated over time. ın 1990, the 14-24
age
Use synonyms
started
Check wording
group started
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 at around 90% by 1990 and
decresed
Correct your spelling
decreased
 slightly to almost 85%. increasing to approximately 95%, and again decreased and
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
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 stable at 90% from 1998 to 2006.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
stabling
Check wording
stabilisation
show examples
, it showed
increasing
Replace the word
an increase of
 just over 90% by the end of the
period
Use synonyms
. For the lowest attendance group,
started
Correct pronoun usage
it started
show examples
 to 40% in 1990
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and climbed gradually to roughly 55%.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 number for
50
Correct determiner usage
those 50
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year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 and over decreased to around 50%, before rising to around 60% in 2010. The other two groups fluctuated over the
period
Use synonyms
.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 25-34
age
Use synonyms
climbed
Check wording
group climbed
show examples
 to around 80% from 2000 to 2004
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it
then
Linking Words
 fell to just over 70% in 2010.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 attendance rates for
35
Correct article usage
the 35
show examples
-49
age
Use synonyms
stood
Check wording
group stood
show examples
 at 60 at the beginning, increasing gradually to around 85%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "climbed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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