IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing. In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening . Do you think the adavantages of this development outright the disadvantages ?

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In recent years,
technology
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 has become increasingly used to monitor
people
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’s conversations and
activities
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.
While
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this
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 development improves public
safety
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 and security,
It
Fix capitalization
it
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also
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 raises a concern about privacy and misuse of
informations
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information
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. From my perspective, the
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 of
this
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 circumstance outweight disadvantages.
To begin
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 with,
technology
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 provides a
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safety
Replace the word
safe
 environment for individuals in public spaces. In many areas
such
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 as trains, shops or streets,
camera
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cameras
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 are installed to monitor
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people
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people's
show examples
activities
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. When a
crime
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criminal
 activity occurs,
this
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 camera provides
a
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apply
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clear evidence, which helps
polices
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police
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 investigate the
situations
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situation
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 and arrest offenders.
Consequencely
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Consequently
,
people
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 are afraid to engage in criminal
activities
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.
As a result
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,
people
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are
Verb problem
apply
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feel
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safety
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safe
 and secure from
reducing
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
crime.
Furthermore
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,
technology
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 enhances the quality of public services. In public transport, collected
datas
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data
 helps
office
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the office
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analyze
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analyse
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 the number of passengers and manage train or tram schedules
allign
Wrong verb form
to align
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 with
people
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’s needs, especially
in a
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during
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 rush hour.
This
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 development helps
people
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 feel more convenient and encourages them to rely on public services.
To sum up
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. I believe that the advantages of
technology
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 used in
monitor
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monitoring
show examples
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people
Check wording
people's
show examples
activities
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 outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 because it provides
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safety
Replace the word
a safe
 environment for and enhance quality of public transport.

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task response
Answer the full question more clearly. Say why the good side is stronger than the bad side.
task response
Add one short idea about the bad side, like loss of privacy, then show why it is less important.
task response
Use more exact examples. For example, say how cameras help in one real place or case.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, explanation, example, result.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, like 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the one before it. Some parts now feel sudden or unclear.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
task response
You use examples about cameras and public transport, which helps support your ideas.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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