IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that money is the best gift to give to youngster while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
In
this
Linking Words
modernization
Change the spelling
modernisation
show examples
 era,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is believed by some individuals that giving
money
Use synonyms
 to the youth is the best option in the form of a present.
However
Linking Words
, some would say it is not an appropriate decision. In
this
Linking Words
 paragraph, I will discuss both the views and give my opinion. Some living organisms believe that
money
Use synonyms
 can be a good form of a present for youngsters because they can save that
money
Use synonyms
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their savings.
For example
Linking Words
, some young people tend to save
money
Use synonyms
 and later on, use it for fulfilling their personal needs like
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 stationery, video games, books and many more. Giving
money
Use synonyms
 in the form of a gift will help them with their savings. Another point is that it can build a sense of independence in them. To explain
this
Linking Words
, it can encourage young people to save
money
Use synonyms
, as
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
saving
money
Use synonyms
 and spending
an expenditure
Change preposition
on expenses
show examples
 will help them
in realizing
Wrong verb form
realise
show examples
 the value of
money
Use synonyms
, which will help them
in taking
Verb problem
make
show examples
 appropriate decisions for
money
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, some individuals believe that it is a wrong decision to give
money
Use synonyms
 as a gift to youth because they may choose the wrong path in their lives. To explain
this
Linking Words
, if they have
money
Use synonyms
 in their hands
thern
Correct your spelling
then
 they are in the stage of deciding to get whatever they
got
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 influence
of
Change preposition
on,
show examples
 like
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
cigarattes
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
, drugs and many more.
Linking Words
FInally
Fix capitalization
Finally
show examples
, having a
lots
Fix the agreement mistake
lot
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
 at
this
Linking Words
 juvenile stage can create a sense of arrogant
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in them.
For example
Linking Words
, if some teenagers got
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
 a
present
Punctuation problem
present,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they can
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
show off them infront of other peers and can show an inappropriate attitude towards
thr
Correct your spelling
the
 others because they got
money
Use synonyms
 but others do not have.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it can be seen that giving
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some individuals ia right choice as it helps youth in many ways
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 savings, building confidence
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 for some people it is not
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right choice because they may choose a wrong path and can
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. I believe that it is appropriate to give
money
Use synonyms
 to youngsters
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 they should be guided towards the best ways to
utilize
Change the spelling
utilise
show examples
 it.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more clearly. You did this, but some ideas are not fully explained.
task response
Give stronger examples. Your examples are related, but they are general and not very clear.
task response
State your opinion in a simple and direct way in the introduction too.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like first, also, however, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some sentences are hard to follow because the meaning is not clear.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used examples about saving money and bad influence, which fit the topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial literacy
  • Practical gifts
  • Monetary value
  • Intrinsic value
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Material possession
  • Impersonal gift
  • Emotional attachment
  • Economic independence
  • Consumerism
  • Saving habits
  • Purchasing power
  • Thoughtful present
  • Personal development
  • Financial autonomy
  • Gift-giving culture
  • Budget management
What to do next:
Look at other essays: