IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Human activity has negative effect on plants and animal species. Some people think it is too late to do anything. Some people believe that effective act can be taken to improve this situation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
In modern times, it is undeniable that plants and animals are becoming a disappeared by human beings.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals argue that it is too late to do something, others argue that an effective approach can
be improved
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. Those who believe that it is too late to do anything
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
it has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 some
pointed
Replace the word
point
 because a lot of
species
Use synonyms
 have
extincted
Wrong verb form
become extinct
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 human
kinds
Check wording
apply
show examples
activities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 most of the creature lost their habitat
places
Check wording
apply
show examples
. To illustrate, people for their own benefits, they have destroyed a million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
wild
forest
Check wording
forests
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 developing modern facilities
such
Linking Words
 Urban center, Manufacturing hub,
Industries
Punctuation problem
and industries. As
show examples
as a
Linking Words
result
Punctuation problem
result,
show examples
 a lot of endangered
species
Use synonyms
 have
extincted
Wrong verb form
become extinct
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a country
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to develop
high tech
Correct your spelling
high-tech
 companies who needed vast amount of space
,
Punctuation problem
; for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 reason
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 cut down
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the trees
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, due
show examples
due to
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 animals have lost their
inhabited places
Replace the word
habitats
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, citizens think that it is too late, but it is not true, because we
have still
Correct word order
still have
show examples
 a chance to protect
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
species
Correct article usage
the species
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, those who support it have
some
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
an efficient approach
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
show examples
chance
Verb problem
help
show examples
 to
enhanced
Wrong verb form
enhance
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation
also
Linking Words
 have
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 argument that should not be overlooked. One major method is
that
Verb problem
to
show examples
 preserve
species
Use synonyms
those
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are endangered
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should regulate some rules and
regulation
Check wording
regulations
show examples
 about deforestation
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will
be restricted to cut
Wrong verb form
restrict the cutting
show examples
 down
trees
Change preposition
of trees
show examples
. Every
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country's
show examples
 authority should introduce some specific land where it
just
Verb problem
is just
show examples
preserve
Wrong verb form
preserved
show examples
 for wildlife
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 hunting should be a offensive crime for individuals.
Hence
Linking Words
, these things may be improved
this
Linking Words
 situations.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 citizens thought that it is too late, it has several
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 to
improved
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation. Having considered both sides
thoroughly
Punctuation problem
thoroughly,
show examples
 I have personally come to believe that
still we
Correct word order
we still
show examples
 have a chance to resolve
this
Linking Words
 issue.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both views more fully. You did this, but each side needs a bit more clear detail.
task response
Give your opinion in a more direct way in the body, not only in the end.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and more specific. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph easier to follow. Start with one main idea, then explain it, then give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words in a simple and correct way, such as 'first', 'for example', 'however', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid long and unclear sentences. Shorter sentences will help your meaning.
task response
You discussed both sides of the topic and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used examples about forests, animals, and laws, which fit the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • irrevocable damage
  • ecosystem
  • species extinction
  • habitat destruction
  • biodiversity
  • habitat restoration
  • legal protection
  • endangered species
  • sustainable agricultural practices
  • reforestation
  • wildlife corridors
  • anti-poaching laws
  • technological advancements
  • global awareness
  • conservation efforts
  • public engagement
  • environmental stewardship
  • sustainable living
  • ecological issues
What to do next:
Look at other essays: