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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

🔶Nowadays more and more business meetings and business trainings are taking place online. 🔸Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In modern society, the invention of the internet enabled people to communicate
on
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apply
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online. There are some debates
of
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about
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 the online meetings and business trainings because they have
concrete
Correct word choice
both
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 good and
harm
Replace the word
harmful
 aspects. In my opinion, I don'
t
Use synonyms
 think that the advantages of it outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, online communication does have effortless aspects. Nowadays' keyword is Global, which means that even if the individuals are far apart from each other, they can communicate and
work
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 together.
Also
Linking Words
, it can reduce the time to go to the place where the meeting will be held, so the commuters can strike a balance between
work
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 and life
,
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apply
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 when the engagement is held at weekends or early mornings.
Moreover
Linking Words
, face-to-face chat
Linking Words
such
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, such
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 as
Skype
Punctuation problem
Skype,
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 encourages people to interact with their faces or gestures.
However
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,
while
Linking Words
 we can see each other remotely, we can'
t
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 share the same atmosphere, which creates similar tensions for
work
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 or study. The mood comes from linked space, the coworkers' detailed motions
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as their tones and the proper diction, which can'
t
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 be represented a hundred per cent online. The reason why I consider sharing the same atmosphere is important is because the team needs to reach the same result
,
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;
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 no one can fall apart from the venture. Online meetings can hide their unprepared moments by not showing them on their monitors, but offline meetings cannot do it; team workers should reveal
their whole
Correct determiner usage
all
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 aspects. In conclusion, online communication enabled people to
work
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 together where they live far away from each other, but
also
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 couldn'
t
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 share the same atmosphere completely. In my view, it is crucial to be linked by same space when workers assemble a team for a certain aim to maintain the sharp tensions.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. Say clearly why the bad points are stronger than the good points.
task response
Add one or two clear examples from business life. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to believe.
task response
Explain your main ideas more fully. Some points are interesting, but they need more simple support.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences feel hard to follow because the meaning is not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one central idea in each paragraph. This will help the essay feel more focused.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You compare good points and bad points, which fits the task well.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • save time
  • save money
  • travel costs
  • work faster
  • join from home
  • learn at their own speed
  • recorded lessons
  • flexible schedule
  • reach more people
  • business growth
  • human contact
  • body language
  • build trust
  • teamwork
  • technical problems
  • poor internet connection
  • lose focus
  • pay attention
  • face-to-face communication
  • outweigh the disadvantages
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